Back to stories menu


  Subject: Problems
From: (Equamour)
Date: Sat,  1 Jul 95 23:21:00 -0500

I just thought I would post this message out because I think that I need to
try and find out why last night I believed that I should be dead.  Why I had
any suicide tendacies in me last night at all.  Last night I was afraid,
with no real reason that I could see to be afraid.  I did speak with another
zoo that told me to call him if I ever had feelings of suicide, and he said
call me at any time in the night. "Guess he probably wishes now that he
didn't say that to me"  We talked for a little while, and a lot of my
conversation was about not getting my work visa, or being immigrated to the
United States.  Also we talked a lot about why I thought that I had lost my
first mare and friend of 10 years.  Let me explain to you what exactly
happened and my feeling at that time.

I had seen Belle for approx 10 years, and I had some zoo feelings, but never
acted on them.  One night I acted on them, and fingered Belle, which to me
anyhow she seemed to enjoy it.  I thought it was rape that night, and told
my mother that I had raped a mare.  She told me I couldn't go out to the
farm anymore.  I started going without her permission and was almost caught.
 I had some uncertainties about my sexuality and so I went and told the
owners about what was going on.  They told me that they would prefer my not
coming back.  I had also told some other people about my feelings, and so I
knew that I would never beable to buy and keep a horse in my home town.  You
see there is a penalty of 10 years out in Canada.

Now there is what happened.  I curse my zoo feelings.  I lost everything
that I ever cared for because of them.  I lost Belle, I lost being close to
my family, "Who is now a few thousand miles away", I lost my friends.  I
can't take the loss.  I also look at the point that if I would have just
left her alone for 2 more days that my mother was going to allow me to go
back and work for them again.  But heres something that I thought I would
never do, but I'm gonna do anyhow.  I would like to introduce myself.  My
name is Shawn Masko, and my phone number is (417) 623-8308...  Ya flamers,
you can call too..  But I guess I should go now.  Responces are wanted.. (Shuunka Tanka) writes:
>We need to talk about the grey areas a little more.

Thus spake K.Blackwolf:
>I fail to see which grey areas these are, at least in the context of
>your message.  Care to extropolate?

     Thus I respond, "Well since you asked...(also read "Since you took 
my bait..." :) )

     There are some things which seem pretty obvious in the areas of
consent--like when a dog or stallion attempts to mate with us.  That
would seem to be an enthusiastic "YES!"  When a mare lifts her tail to
the side, winks at you with her vulva and proceeds to grind her rump
into your face seems pretty black and white(and a damn vivid, yummy
pink).  When a bitch solicits you for sex by lifting her tail,
thrusting her rump at you and even attempts a little mounting herself,
most of here would say she wants sex.
    Now let's talk of the grey areas.  Shades of grey, in my eyes at
least, are things like when you have to give the mare a bucket of grain
so she'll stand still.  And there are mare's that show neither sign of
"Oh boy!  Let's do this!" nor does she show any distress.  She just
doesn't appear to care one way or another.
     Does putting up with you count as consent?
     With dogs I find myself thinking about that good ol' urban legend
about the surprise party and the naked woman with the peanut butter.
Licking is a very fun part of sex with canines but to the canines is it
necessarily sex or a sexual response.  In the case of peanut butter
coated genitals, it doesn't seem like sex so much as feeding.

     Just some hazy shades I thought I'd throw out.

Shuunka "I'm the White Rabbit" Tanka out.

"Whoever loves as I do is turned on a rack."  --from the Carmina Burana
   Remus Sheperd writes in part:

>But maybe that's just my experiences -- what about the animals that
>give absolutely no sign, positive or negative, about whether this
>experience was enjoyable to them?

    Hmmm....well, I've had a girlfriend who was often much the same way,

   On the other hand, there was once a mare that almost dislocated my
kneecap just for touching her vulva. *grin* When I asked about her
behavior the (female) owner told me "oh, she just hates men".  Obviously
this mare was a little more inclined to make her point known than the
average horse, but anyone who thinks that any animal cannot react
violently to unwanted come-ons is in for a surprise.

   Now, distracting the critter by way of food, etc. seems to be a bit 
less on the level, a little sneakier...I mean, sure, the animal really 
can't be minding it too bad, but you have cleverly diverted the bulk of 
his attention from what you are doing to the food in order for you to get 
your this way one could see a sort of Pavlovian conditioning 
taking place...the animal learns that "if I stand still and let that fool 
human do what he pleases with my nether regions I get to eat all this 
yummy food".  I would say the acid test of whether or not the animal is 
really letting one do this is to remove the food before one gets done and 
see if they stay still, or react by avoiding the contact.  Of course, it 
seems like the critter could hardly be deriving much pleasure from the 
experience, so I would have to say that it wouldn't be an approach I 
personally would use, and while I would raise an eyebrow at folks who 
have to resort to bribery to get what they want I wouldn't take it to the 
S.P.C.A.  I think that I would tell those people that they need to 
examine their relationship and try to see where the conflict 
is...sometimes they're just not in the mood, ya know? 

Okay, I've said my bit....*fart noise*


Subject: Gray Areas
From: (Tall Thin Jones)
Date: Wed,  5 Jul 95 06:35:00 -0500

 -=> Quoting Shuunka Tanka to All <=-

 ST> There are some things which seem pretty obvious in the areas of
 ST> consent--like when a dog or stallion attempts to mate with us.  That
 ST> would seem to be an enthusiastic "YES!"  When a mare lifts her tail to
 ST> the side, winks at you with her vulva and proceeds to grind her rump
 ST> into your face seems pretty black and white(and a damn vivid, yummy
 ST> pink).  When a bitch solicits you for sex by lifting her tail,
 ST> thrusting her rump at you and even attempts a little mounting herself,
 ST> most of here would say she wants sex.
 ST> Now let's talk of the grey areas.  Shades of grey, in my eyes at
 ST> least, are things like when you have to give the mare a bucket of
 ST> grain so she'll stand still.  And there are mare's that show neither
 ST> sign of "Oh boy!  Let's do this!" nor does she show any distress.  She
 ST> just doesn't appear to care one way or another.
 ST> Does putting up with you count as consent?

     I would have to say yes.  If there is no strong emotion motivating
the animal to consent, he or she is making a decision with even less to
impel toward consent.  Animals are quite able to decide to do something
just from curiosity.

     From some clues I have gathered, it seems a mare can at first seem
fairly indifferent and after some days or weeks gain more enthusiasm.

 ST> With dogs I find myself thinking about that good ol' urban legend
 ST> about the surprise party and the naked woman with the peanut butter.
 ST> Licking is a very fun part of sex with canines but to the canines is
 ST> it necessarily sex or a sexual response.  In the case of peanut butter
 ST> coated genitals, it doesn't seem like sex so much as feeding.

     Maybe there's not that much difference to them ;).  The sensuous
pleasure of eating a favorite treat can be just as strong as the sexual
pleasure from licking a sex partner, and I do lick dogs for the taste.

... The First Amendment:  It's not just a good idea, it's the law.
___ Blue Wave/QWK v2.12

Subject: Re: A MOONLIGHT RIDE--Its true
Date: Thu,  6 Jul 1995 04:00:02 UTC

	Dear Horse;

		   I'm sorry you find my story not believable. The horse 
is a thercheron gelding. You may have noticed that I did not say he came 
or refered to his balls, which he has none. Like most geldings, he dosn't 
extend like a stallion. If he were a stud I would never be able to take 
him. The story is not completely true. I combined two different 
activities into one for the sake of romantic prose. We do indeed have sex 
on the wooded ridge as told and we do indeed go on night rides as told, 
however we have never had sex in the moonlight or at night in the woods. 
Sex in the woods is a new thing for us as the barn is not as private as 
it used to be.
	Sex with my thercheron gelding has been  an unbeleivable 
surprise to me. I bought him nine years ago when he was 8. I had owned 
five studs of different breeds, had access to several other studs 
through the past, and my sexual experiences with them ranged from poor to 
good. I had sort of cooled off to sex with horses and got the thercheron 
strictly for a good bareback horse. Four years after I got him I saw him 
cover a mare in the herd on several occasions. I also noticed that he got 
hard when I groomed him. I do have a loving attitude twards my animals. 
Well, I began playing with and sucking his cock and eventually got him 
into me. He cant cum but has great staying power. I rekindled my desire 
for a stud that could cum and bought a mini stud. Ironicaly my mini stud 
has not yet responded to me but we have made progress. As for my 
thercheron, I would say he was proud-cut but he dosn't act scaggy and is 
low in the herd pecking order. You tell me. I say its love pure and simple.	
	I have bareback rode purebred percherons in past years and also 
have seen percheron studs breed. I wouldn't beleive the story either 
without reading between the lines. Anyroad, I hope the story was worth 
something to someone. I do not want to send photo proof. It matters not 
to me if I'm beleived or not. I just wanted to get into a group that has 
people just like me. I shant post again.


Subject: Zoo Limericks (long), Part 4 of 5
From: (Actaeon)
Date: Sun,  9 Jul 1995 07:06:06 UTC

Though the gorilla's a primate most nimble,
For his bulk, he's no sexual symbol.
You see, his poor dong
Is but two inches long
And his cum wouldn't fill up a thimble.

The Roadrunner had sex on his mind
When he spied a cute bird he could grind.
He'd just gone "Beep Beep"
And put in his meat
When Wile E. came up from behind.

The Percheron stud bobbed his dick
At the sight of the mare's he could stick.
He rubbed on his belly
Till he spilled all his jelly
And he came till he made himself slick.

Bat sex is often high-strung:
He first eats her out with his tongue.
While they cling to a shelf,
His dick thrusts by itself--
A male bat is always well-hung.

Than the blue whale, no animal is stauncher.
And his robustness just makes him raunchier.
When his semen is ready,
She'd better hold steady:
If she were much lighter, he'd launch her.

An elephant, when he's in musth,
Is a creature which no one can trusth.
He'll turn on his keeper;
If female, he'll leap her,
And push the poor girl to the dusth.

Puumba the warthog came cryin':
"Timon, I've been raped by a lion!"
Timon said, "What a sin!
Did he go all the way in?"
Said Simba, "Not yet, but I'm tryin'!"

A stallion competing at horse shows
Jumped the fences with a hard-on below.
He cleared all the jumps
With nary a thump
But his score in that class was quite low.

A stag ran his horns through a bush;
Through his prepuce his penis did push.
He waved it about
'Till his urine flowed out,
Which is why the grass there is so lush.

A cat must be fast on his feet
When looking for females to greet.
When the barbs on his cock
Make her lash out in shock,
The male beats a hasty retreat.

Ol' T-Rex is a powerful dino.
His dick is as big as a rhino.
When he puts it in her
She loses her dinner
And lets out a horrific whino.

A hermaphrodite is a sex oddity,
With both male and female commodities.
It can get itself preggers
But those IRS beggars
Ensure single parents get audities.

A pterodactyl, transported in time,
Found itself charged with a crime.
It felt like high heaven,
Screwing 747's,
But they crashed when the intakes got slimed.

The miniature stallion looked up
At the Clydesdale he'd been asked to tup.
He made the mare gladder
With help from a ladder.
When it fell, he was stuck until sunup.

When a non-estrous mare showed resistance,
Two frustrated studs pumped like pistons.
They swelled up and blew;
Their semen fair flew
And moistened her lips from a distance.

A mule deer bent backwards to find
A doe with a blow job in mind.
He let her proceed
'Till he spilt his seed
Then he returned the doe's favor in kind.

The brontosaur gets no respect.
By Velociraptors he's pecked.
But they better look out
When he starts to spout:
He can drown them in cum when erect.

Porcupine sex needs a seasoner
To make the encounter more pleasoner.
Of his nibbling she's fond
And if she responds
He stands on his hind legs and peasoner.

A porcupine, when she's in heat,
Will grasp any stick she may meet.
She'll straddle the twig;
In her crotch it will dig.
When you're horny, it's really a treat.

The bronc buster just wouldn't drop
Though the bronco pulled out all the stops.
When the man finally fell,
The bronc gave him hell.
Quoth the horse, "Buddy, _I_ go on top!"

A caribou bull in the Arctic
Grew horny and showed quite a hardick.
With no cow's around
He eventually found
Screwing musk oxen proved quite cathartic.

The bighorn sheep's headgear's imperious.
The rams butt heads 'till they're delerious.
Though women may fake
An occasional "ache,"
When a ram claims a headache, he's serious.

Actaeon: | Continued in Part 5...


A camel I met at the zoo
Agreed to my invite for two.
She asked me to tea
And looked coyly at me,
Asking, "Will that be one hump or two?"

An impressively-antlered red stag
Felt his love-life beginning to lag.
He tugged on my sleeve:
"Please, sir, don't leave,
I'm in need of a really hard shag!"

A cute Bengal tiger named Macie
Decided to wear something racy.
A keeper, aroused,
Came in and untroused.
But the tigress left him rather lacy.

A polar bear lay on his back,
And began giving himself quite a whack.
This drew quite a crowd
And a zoo said aloud,
"I bet he'd be good in the sack."

The announcement came out of the blue:
"Two gay zoophiles in the crew!"
The keepers looked 'round
And finally found
A zoo in a zoo in a zoo.

A bottlenosed dolphin named Puck
Was down on his same-species luck.
He spied a canoer,
Was able to woo her,
And they both had a really good time.

A girl fell in love with tamanduas:
Their long noses fulfilled all her fantuas.
One night, lost in bliss
She gave it a kiss
And cried out, "Oh God, what a manua!"

A zebra, aroused by the swipes
Of a woman massaging his pipes,
Was up to the task,
Before she had asked,
And he showed the girl more than his stripes.

A bison has such a large sheath
It hangs down from his tum like a wreath.
If hair is your thing
And fur makes you "Schwingggg!"
You'll love what those bulls have beneath.

A wolf with a rare love for women
Startled an unclothed girl swimmin'.
He dove 'twixt her thighs
And elicited sighs
For hours, with the evening light dimmin'.

The farmer, with trousers unbuckled,
Showed his dick, which the little calf suckled.
Her tongue was divine
And her throat took his wine.
But what threw him was when the cow's chuckled.

"I've got problems, my friends! I've got bevies!"
The zebra mare sighed, head hung heavy.
"I just had a spree
With a sports referee!
But he told me that he was a Grevy's!"

My 'roo and I screwed on the couch.
For his honor, I can certainly vouch.
When we started to woo,
He said "I love you,"
And pulled a condom from out of his pouch.

A cetatean biologist named Gwynne
Saw a dolphin, geared up, and dove in.
In her haste to depart,
Her suit came apart,
And the dolphin just slipped her a fin.

A zoophile astronomer named Fisk
Loved his mare with a passion quite brisk.
One night, while in action,
The Fitzgerald Contraction
Foreshortened his rod to a disk.
  [based on a non-zoo limerick with a similar punchline]

A boastful blonde bombshell named Gail
Told the town she could take a blue whale.
Everyone laughed
And said she was daft.
But next week, all her pants were for sale.

She went orca-watching with glee,
Jumped in and made love in the sea.
After she came with a splash,
The whale asked for cash.
"But, Willy! I thought you were 'Free'!"

Subject: Re: Discussion: When did you first learn you were a zoo, and how?
From: (Equuinox)
Date: 10 Jul 1995 19:39:06 -0500

>So when did you first learn you were a zoo, and how?

   *shrug* Dunnow....I don't remember any specific incident that swung me
over to zoodom (zoohood, zoodaism?), but I remember fooling with male dogs
since the age of ten or so, long before puberty or before I was really
aware of what sex was.  The rest of my childhood seemed pretty normal;
playing "doctor" with my human friends just as many other children do, but
I have always had a particular fascination with animals that I don't as a
rule tend to have with humans.  I have a very clear memory of a moment
when I was 12 (before I'd ever even experienced an orgasm);  we were
visiting London, and watching the changin o' the guard at Buckingham
Palace and its accompanying parade.  A big, beautiful thoroughbred mare
pranced by and swished her tail to the side, giving me a clear view of her
vulva and I remember experiencing an immediate rush of emotion...the
desire to have her sexually being foremost, although I knew it was
technically "wrong" by our societal standards.  That didn't bother me more
than a bit, and I spent the next couple years fantasizing about having sex
with a mare, to the point where I would sculpt a horse's bottom out of the
bubbles in a bubblebath, and masturbate myself while pretending I was
behind that horse *grin* pretty embarrassing to tell now, but that's the
way it was.  When I was 14 I lost my virginity to a Shetland pony mare who
lived nearby and from that point on I was hooked on horses foremost,
though I have interests in many other species as well.  Got a job at a
breeding stable shortly thereafter, and learned much of what I now know
about pleasuring horses there. The pay was low but the fringe bennies were
most worthwhile. Then I moved to college.  When I was 19 I had my first
sexual escapade with a human woman, and the experience was fun, but never
really compared to the thrill I got from horses (sometimes I wonder if the
sexual abuse I was exposed to as a child had anything to do with that). 
Since then I have had a number of sexual and emotional relationships with
different women, and while I enjoy them, it was always discomforting that
I felt I could not share my feelings about horses with them for fear of
reprisal or a lack of understanding.  I still carry a hope in my heart
that I will find the right woman some day who either shares my tastes in
animals or is willing to accept the fact that some nights I might just
want to be with my ponies, either with or without her company (hopefully
with).  Then again, I might get lucky enough to win the Lottery too...I
figure the odds are about the same *wry grin*.  Anyway...enough of this


Subject: True erotic art vs. cum shots; or: RFD: rec.arts.erotica.zoophilia
From: (Actaeon)
Date: Mon, 10 Jul 1995 04:56:26 UTC

Don't bother looking for r.a.e.z.: I'm only kidding. Sort of....

Like most of you, I visit abpeb from time to time, and like most of
you, I've come to the conclusion it's mostly crap. It's not zoo art,
it's beastie art, with no thought to composition or emotion. It's just
hole-seeking. In fact, the only truly aesthetically pleasing erotic zoo
pix I've seen so far have been the furry kind. With art, you get a
chance to draw facial expressions and backgrounds, so it isn't just a
closeup of a dog spewing cum on a woman's face.

Now I'm not saying the latter isn't arousing. It just isn't..._erotic_,
IMHO. It's titillation, like Oliver Stone, not inspiration, like
Merchant & Ivory. What I'd like to see on abpeb--what I'd consider
truly erotic--would be things like this:

1) A full-length nude, whose genitals need not be visible, resting in
tall grass, nestled spoons-style around a dog. One hand is cradling the
dog's cheek; the other, its genitals. Their faces are bent toward each
other, nearly kissing. No sexual activity needs to take place: it can
all be implied. The background would be uncluttered and the full bodies
of both partners would be visible, with some breathing room.

2) A picture of a human gently washing a stallion's penis, masturbating
it in the process. The lighting and angle allow the viewer to clearly
see the testicles, the swollen glans with its urethral opening, and the
erect shaft, which rests in a soapy washcloth held in the human's hand.
The other hand is slowly rubbing the base of the penis, to simulate the
motion of the mare's clitoris. The human has a pleased (expectant?)
expression, and the stallion has swung his head back to observe the
action, almost resting his chin on the human's shoulder (showing also
that it isn't tied down and is thus free to resist). The horse's eyes
are alert and its nostrils are flared, but its mouth is closed and its
ears are foward, showing its acceptance of what's happening. The
background would be simple, appropriate, and uncluttered. The stallion
could be coming, and its tail flagging as the semen emerges, but this
would be optional: it would be plenty erotic (perhaps even more so)
without it. After all, much--if not most--of the fun of sex is in the
anticipation and preparation, not in the event itself.

3) Similarly, a human giving a stallion fellatio or a mare cunnilingus,
with the facial expressions and/or attitudes of both partners clearly
visible. In the case of the stallion, he could be bending around to
nibble at the human's back or neck. In the case of the mare, her tail
is raised high, her back is arched: she's squatting, winking her
clitoris under his tongue, and perhaps peeing a little, showing she's
in strong heat. She is looking either intently forward, or intently
back at him; in either case her ears should be aimed where she's
looking. Neither animal should be tied to the wall: both should be free
to move away: the arousal is in the fact that they don't....

4) A woman resting on her hands and knees at the beach, with the waves
slowly rolling in (perhaps to cover her legs). Her clothes are nearby,
in a neat pile; atop her is a dog of appropriate size (i.e., his hind
feet are touching the ground and his belly rests comfortably against
her back). His forelegs are clamped tightly around her waist, and his
tail is arched high over his back. His facial expression is clearly
visible: he is very alert, with open eyes and forward-pointing ears.
His mouth is only slightly open or not at all: he shouldn't be drooling
(amateurs!), though he may be gently licking her neck or back. If the
angle is slightly from the front, the dog's testicles may be visible
hanging down between her legs, but anything more than that would be
superfluous. The woman's head is arched back a little, her eyes are
closed or nearly so, and her mouth is slightly open, indicating her
enjoyment. If the waves are not covering her feet, her toes should be
curling, leaving shallow grooves in the sand. There are no spectators:
they are alone in their pleasure.

5) A full-body picture of a stallion (or any male mammal) testing a
female for estrus. She is responding positively (for a mare: squatting,
winking, maybe peeing a little) and he is very erect. She looks back at
him as if to say, "Quit licking and get on with it!" A closeup of the
stud's tongue or lips caressing the vulva as she winks her clitoris at
him (where appropriate) would be nice also. In either case, the
background should be clean and neither animal should be haltered or
restrained: they should be wild and free.

6) A full-body side or partial front/side view of a stallion, dog, or
for that matter, any male mammal, masturbating, with a fully erect
penis. In this one, I think a cum shot would be okay, especially if
there's some distance to it. :) Again, clean background, unfettered
animal, alert expression (so we wonder what he's looking at :), and
nicely cropped so the animal is fully visible (not just a close-up).
One of my favorite pictures is of a whitetail giving himself fellatio
(yes, they really do that).

7) Similarly, a full-body side or partial front/side view of almost any
mammals mating. I'm sure many of us have whole collections of these. :)

Well, I think you get the idea by now.

Now, here's how it's done on abpeb; the way--IMHO--not to do it:

In the BAMA series, a woman is giving a horse fellatio. You can't see
her face very well, so you don't know how she feels, you can't see the
testicles, so it might be a gelding for all we know, you can't see the
horse's tail (so we'd know if it's flagging, which means he came), the
photos look like they were taken in someone's bedroom (!?), and you
can't see the horse's facial expression, probably because the halter
has been tied to the wall so the poor animal can't run away:

   "When I got it home, I discovered the only reason it had allowed the
   blow job in the first place was that it had been _nailed_ there."
BRITISH ACCENT OFF... with apologies to John Cleese and Monty Python.

And some of the dog sex pictures don't show either partner's facial
expression. How can we be aroused when, for all we know, they both
might have hated the ignominy of it all? Most of the time, it's just a
woman's mouth, a short distance away from the erect penis, which she's
gripping in her hand, and you can't even tell what breed the dog is or
whether he's being held down by eight camera assistants so he won't
bite the woman's head off. Or we see such a tight closeup of a dog's
penis entering a woman's vagina that we can barely see what's going on
at all and just have to take the poster's word for it that it's a dog.

I realize some of the pictures I described in the first section would
be difficult to set up. Few studs, for example, will stand calmly for
fellatio without being tied in some way. In fact, until you know the
animal really well, a lead rope securing the halter to the wall is _de
rigeur_ as far as I'm concerned.

But think of the rewards! :) I invite discussion on this issue.

Actaeon: | Amused, but not aroused, by abpeb :(
Subject: Need advice re: my arousal at animal urination -- Serious Request: NOT
From: Nobody 
Date: 17 Jul 1995 03:05:00 GMT

You've seen my anon posts here before, but this one is especially anonymous
because I 
need some delicate advice: I believe one of my animal-related interests may be
the purview of most zoos.

Like most of you, I'm aroused by watching animals mate, by the sight of their
and by touching their genitals. However, when I told a friend on the Forest I'm
aroused by watching them urinate and, to a lesser degree, defecate, he said
he'd never 
heard of this, and said I probably shouldn't tell anyone. Hence my additional
layer of 
anonymity: any direct reply to this post should result in an error -- I hope.

OTOH, this same friend was excited by my report of an encounter with a mare in heat: when I put
my fingers in her vagina and began to massage her clitoris with my thumb, she raised her tail
to one side, squatted, winked, and peed all over my fingers. Not just a little squirt, either:
she took her time, making quite a puddle in her stall. I could waft my fingers in front of the
stallion's noses and get a very nice reaction from them. My friend's response to this was
essentially "wow!" I am confused by these opposing attitudes.

I do have limits, BTW. I don't touch feces in any way, nor do I touch urine once it's on the
ground. However, if I gave a mare cunnilingus and she chose to pee in the process, I wouldn't
turn away, nor would I fear running my fingers or tongue through a horse's urine stream if it
chose to pee in my presence. It hasn't happened to me yet, but I can always hope. ;-) I was
also highly aroused at finding a male calf who would pee on my finger when I moved it in and
out of his sheath. Bovine bagels, however, are not a turn-on, because they're basically a wet,
sloppy, unaesthetic mess that drools down their legs. Yuck.

I've given it some thought from a psychology standpoint, and I believe it may be due to the
animals' body posture. The posture assumed by most female (and some male) mammals during
urination is similar to the female's lordosis posture when she's ready to mate. Animals in the
wild use exaggerated body posture as a visual signal while marking their territory with urine
or dung, and it may be this element of wildness, of naturalness, which makes it so exciting.

Note, for example, a urinating horse: you can tell from hundreds of yards away that the animal
is taking a pee, just from the stance of the body. Male cattle, on the other hand, have a less
exaggerated pose, even though they have a similar body size, urine volume, and hence risk of
contaminating legs or tail with splattered urine. The difference, IMO: horses are highly
territorial, and cattle are not. Same for dogs, cats, deer, gazelles, etc.: all are
territorial, and all have an exaggerated body stance during excretion.

I have lots of photos and videos of urinating animals (not for sale: don't even ask), but
pictures of steer peeing are almost boring, even when you can see the urine. OTOH, I have pix
of a bull moose taking a leak, and though you can't see the penis or the urine stream, it's a
big turn-on for me. Why? Body posture again: the steer is just standing there normally, with a
barely raised tail. It might as well be grazing. The moose, OTOH, is in a deep squat, almost
sitting on its haunches. There's no doubt what it's doing. My pictures of mare's peeing are
also highly erotic. And I'd love to take a picture of a urinating doe.

Urine is also highly connected to sex itself: not only does it involve the sex organs (unlike
defecating), but also it is frequently used to communicate sexual readiness or mark off a
breeding male's territory. In some species, such as rabbits, porcupines, and ibex, the male
sprays urine on the female to turn her on. Manure is just a waste product for most animals.

I didn't mean to ramble on so long, but I wanted to give you enough background so you could
advise me on what this means. Should I never mention it on ASB again? Should I wait for SSZ,
then discuss it there? Is my interest as unusual and bizarre to the average zoo as zoo-ness is
to the average non-zoo? I'm aware there's no such thing as "sick," only different, and I don't
consider myself perverted: I'm no more ashamed by it than I am by my zoo-ness. It's just a
turn-on which appears to be shared by very few in the zoo community, and I'd like to know more
about why that is.

I invite reasoned discussion on this topic, but this is not a troll for photos or videos, or
for like-minded beasties to plaster ASB with "me too!" posts. If you can't offer serious
advice, don't bother replying: we have enough spam and thread drift as it is.

Sincerely, an apparently irregular regular, longing for ;-)
Saturday afternoon a friend I met through FidoNet (a non-zoo, but she knows me) drove down to
pick me up so I could visit her Arabian Horse breeding operation.  Wrangler and P. Stellos were
granted permission to come along.

Ach!  Several gorgeous, friendly horses, mostly mare's!  I scratched, rubbed, hugged, and
fondled all I could reach.  One very sweet moment came when I happened to glance around and see
Stellos with his arms around a mare's chest, hugging her tight with an expression of love and
happiness on his face.  Not lust, exactly:  just a sense that he'd really missed being close to
a horse.  Nice!

It was fun, but it was also nice to get back home to Pixel, Cerise, and Trip.  They seemed to
miss me.


Subject: losing virginity to anima
From: (Equamour)
Date: Sat, 29 Jul 1995 23:23:00 -0500

 > Ok, how many of you out there lost your virginity to an animal?

I can say that I did.  At times I wonder if it was by choice, or if I just
wanted it to be that way.  I know I am always harping that I wish that I had
a human lover, but at times I wonder if thats true at all.

 > Myself, I lost mine around 13-14 (dont remeber) to a beautiful chestnut
 > mare, and I must say, though I have had many many human females,
 > nothing compares to that first time with her.

Well I waited "Because I was afraid, and considered it wrong" until about 6
months ago, and I am currently 24.  And it was with a black mare, with a
star on her forehead.  We loved each other, and I really think that people
knew that, but because I was always afraid of hurting her, I didn't try
anything with her, and then a bit after I had done something, I tried to
turn myself in, and could never go back to see her otherwise they were going
to have me charged.  I am glad that I have found myself alot scince then.
And know that I would never be that stupid again, but theh I now have my own
partner here in the back yard, so I no longer need to fence hop.


Terms of Endearment
                           472 Terms
                          13609 Words
                           2288 Lines
                            41 Pages
A.A. -- NO!

Alcohol -- A wonderful organic molecule that PP likes to imbibe in
large quantities.

Anal -- Pertaining to the anus.

Anal Barbarism -- The uncivilization of anal sex.

Anal Bum -- An ass that is frequented by anal sex.

Anal Cum Blast (A.C.B.) -- A load of cum injected inside the bum.

Anal Chain -- A creation of Al (Pronounced Ayn-Al.) It consists of
three or more guys all simultaneously butt-fucking each other,
usually in a circle.

Anal Dandruff -- White cum-flakes which fall from the anus.

Anal Discharge -- A sudden watery outburst from the anus.

Anal Experimentation -- The systematical using of different items
for Anal Insertion.

Anal Flakes -- Flaking Bum-Boogerz.

Ass-Fucking -- The epitome of sex.  A way to show a cunt who is

Anal Impedance -- The amount of resistance of an asshole to your

Anal Incentive -- The enticement of a woman's asshole for an
exquisite fucking.

Anal Intention -- The intent to fuck an anus.

Anal Lust -- The intense fire that burns within a person whenever
the thought or sight of an asshole or a well-formed [female or
animal] bum is experienced.

Anal Luxury -- The ability to obtain the delicacy of a tight
[female or animal] asshole for a good ass-fucking.

Anal Orgasm -- Self Explanatory.

Anal Percolation -- Bubble of cum expelled when farted.

Anal Percosolation -- Anal sex with an animal. Usually pertaining
to horses, but, other animals may be used.  Either on the
receiving end (pardon) or giving.

Anal Percosolator -- A person who frequently and quite often
practices Anal Percosolation.

Anal Pickers -- A device used for the removal of those hard-to-get

Anal Probe -- Any object or body part that probes an anus.

Anal Quake -- The gentle, yet sensuous quivering of a woman's
buttocks when you slam your beef into her Chocolate Sockitt.

Anal Raft -- See Rectal Dinghy.

Anal Relaxation -- The state when the anus is totally at ease so
that a penis can be inserted through it into an ass.  When anal
Relaxation occurs, the time for penile insertion is imminent for
no discomfort will occur for the owner of the thus said anus.

Anal Sex -- Something most girls do not like to participate in.
But damn, if I ever get a girl who will, you can fucking bet I'll
fuck her ass!

Anal Slut -- A raunchy woman who only will take it through the
bum.  Tod & Jason.

Anal Spasm -- Same as Rectal Quiver.

Andrew Dice Clay-ish -- What this dictionary is.  Sorta crude,
disgusting, base, rude and sexist.  But we are definitely more
intelligent than that fuck--and also get more pussy, are a lot
cooler, and have longer dicks--from what we've been told.

Animal -- Creatures put on this earth for people to fuck with --
in one way or another (nyuk, nyuk, nyuk... )

Animal Farm -- A sexual resort for those people who want to
experience various varieties of animal cock, asshole or pussy.

Anus -- A bodily orifice that can be used for fucking.

Ass -- 1. What you sit on (pertaining to you, not somebody's
face); 2. Something you slip your dick into; 3. Something you shit
out of; 4. Tod; 5. "A piece of ass," meaning an attractive woman.
6. A large four-legged hoofed animal; one of Sharon's plethora of
sexual partners.

Assess -- (pl.) Ass. Many donkeys available for fucking.

Ass Capades -- A festive occasion where all sexual encounters are

Ass-Fucking -- The fornication with a [woman's or animal's]
asshole (no faggular-type people here) in which she lays face-down
and you slip it up her ass and then, some times, if you're not
careful, she screams.

Asshole --  1. A real schmuck;  2. Tod;  3. A bodily orifice used
for exquisitely-tight fucking;  4. Something that pinches-off

Ass-Master -- A man who is a master of ass!

Ass Pirate -- Bung buccaneer; RimBeard; Cornhole Corsair;
Mud-donut Marauder; butt Bandit; Slake-hole Swashbuckler;

Ass Wipe -- 1. A real schmuck; 2. A brown smear on toilet paper;
3. Tod. 4. 

Auto-Fellatio -- The ability to suck one's own dick.  PP could do
that if they were desperate, but it's hard enough waking up the
ol' German Soldier for duty for all the thousands of women who
need to fuck us.

Au Gratinize -- To cover with cum.

Ball Brew -- A peculiar liquid brewed in ballz.

Ballemia -- The uncontrollable appetite that makes a woman drink
cum till she pukes.

Ball-istic Tremorz -- The violent rattling of the sac prior to
expunging a white-hot pungent pulse of penis paste.

Balls -- Gonadular nutz. Synonyms: nutz; jewels; boulders;
walnutz; glands; O.C.F; bulbs; whopper; berries; gonads; bonkers;
nadz; gemstonz; penile dynamos; creameries; giblets; cannon ballz;
volley ballz; screw-ballz; moonrocks; tombstones; wombstones;
Flintstones; squint stones; BBs; bearings; orgazmatorz;
orgazmosferes; orgazmovoids; jyzz-X-cretorz; jyzz-stonz; thrill
spheres; joy globe; goof ballz; mountain oysters; dangleberries;
pebbles; fountain boisters; boo-berries; bearings; bon-bons;
medicine ballz; yum-yums;

BallSac -- It's your scrotum, fuck face!

Ball Skeet Journal -- Tod's tung with Three-Mile island dressing
dashed across it.

Barley Products -- A.K.A. Beer.

Bat-Boi & Throbbin' -- The Guynamic duo.

Bed-lamb -- Sheep-screwing.

Beef Gravy Factor (B.G.F) -- A rating scale that is used to
thereby assess the amount (in cans) of beef gravy that would be
needed to entice even a dog to lick (an ugly bitch's) pussy.

Beer -- The national nutritional beverage of PP.

Bent -- Having your dick bent at an acute angle.  Usually makes it
hurt to piss for quite a while.

Bestiality -- (Webster) Human sexual relations with an animal.
(PP) An unnatural (but fun) sexual deviant pertaining to mating
with an animal: Orally, vaginally or anally, depending upon your
preference. Synonyms: Percosolation; barnyard boffing; animal sex;
doing the dog; having a four-legged lover; stable mating; cross-breeding;
inter-species screwing;
getting your pet; Zooerasty;
bestiality; snogging the dog; shagging the nag; Corning the cur;
nut'n the mutt; shearing the sheep; banging the bitch; porking the
pig; dorking a donkey; mounting a mule; chubbing a chicken;

Big Bitch Buster -- A humongous hard-on; A jumbo flank steak; An
amorous twitch-python;  A titan scum conduit;  A sinuous love-wieney;  An
Olympic luv noodle; 
turbo-invertebrate;  magnificent tool of destruction;  monstrous launch pipe;

Big Dick Syndrome -- An affliction where a man has such a big
dick, that if he would fuck a woman, he would puncture her spleen.
Instead it would be easier for him to fuck large four-legged
mammals. He tends to pass-out due to blood-loss whenever he pops a
hard-on -- PP suffers from this fortunate affliction.

Bisexual -- A person who likes to fuck members of both sexes.  OK
for women, but disgusting for guys -- Tod!!

Bitch -- 1. A female dog(!); 2. What you call a nasty looking
woman; 3. What you call a hot babe you don't think very highly of;
4. What you call another guy when jacking-off (i.e., making fun
of) faggots; 5. Tod (except we're serious about him); 6.  Sharon.

Bitch Magnet -- 1. A male with a something about him that draws
many women to him wanting sex; 2. PP; 3. The Stallion. 4. A huge

Black-Jack -- Something used to pry-open a frigid cunt.

Bloated Penis -- A cock in drag.

Blow Job -- Getting your shaft an oral delight.
Boi's-end-Fairy -- A spiritual guide to tight ass.

Boi-Scout -- A fag's penis.

Boi-ler room -- An asshole.

Breasts -- Something that every man is infatuated with, their
being kind of soft and squishy and are nice to suck upon.
Synonyms: melons; casabas; jugs; knockers; mountains of majesty;
pillows; udders; boobs; tits; teats; bodacious tatas; bodacious
upswept banana-ramhorn titties.

Breast Brazing -- Where a male blows his hot spunk all over a
woman's breasts.

Brown Bahlz -- The peculiar tint of a fag's scrotum

Brown Derby -- Your dick with shit on the tip.

Bugger -- One guilty of bestiality or of having had sexual
Relations through the anus (or possibly both at the same time).

Bull Whip -- Cow cum.

Bum -- 1.  A hobo;  2.  The well-formed female backside that
deserves to be honored by PP's gavels; 

Bumhole -- A hole in a bum used for shitting and fucking.

Bum-Booger -- Hardened shit encrusted around the rim of
your bumhole: Dingleberries--Try wiping your asshole
better, you asshole..

Bum-Lord -- A man who only fucks bitches in the ass.

Bung-alow -- A house of anal repute.

Bung-Boi -- A young fag.

Bung-Hole -- An asshole.

Bung Pong -- Where you're fucking your woman's ass, and (being
over-enthusiastic and over-zealous) you pelvic thrust so violently
that your scrotum collides with her buttocks, rebounds, slaps your
ass then settles back into an innocuous swaying while yew scroo
her butt.

Butt -- An ass.

Butt-Fucking -- See Ass-Fucking.

Buttocks -- What feels so good when caressing your beef stick
while you screw her ass!

Butt Nudds -- Pebble-like shit.

Butt Plug -- A large device inserted into a bumhole; could be a

Butt-Fucking -- The fucking of the butt.

Canine Coitus -- What you call the act of fucking man's best
friend. It's kinda popular since so many people have dogs and they
are just the right size to please men and women both.

Chicken Fystor -- Choking yer own.

Chimp Jizz -- Kinda defines itself.

Chisel Dick -- A person with a pointed prick.

Choking Chickerz -- B's term for jacking-off.

Chocolate Mineshaft -- A.K.A. Gaping asshole.

Chocolate Percosolation-sicle -- A guy's shit-ridden dick after he
has anally-fucked an animal's asshole.

Chocolate Popsicle -- Either a finger, or penis covered with shit
after it's vigorously pumped in and out of a woman's or animal's

Chocolate Pop-Throttle -- Take a guess. It'll be as good as
anything we could think of.

Chocolate Sockitt -- Stationary position of your dick inside an
asshole -- being plugged in.

Chocolate Vice -- A super-tight bumhole.

Claptrap -- A whore's pussy.

Clit -- See Tod

Clitoral Climax -- An orgasm attained by the stimulation of the

Clitoris -- The protrusion of sensitive flesh from a woman's
crotch that they piss from.

Cock --  1. A rooster;  2. Tod;  3. A penis.

Cock Pit -- A woman's warm, moist pussy.

Cock Roach -- Crabs.

Cock Sock -- A rubber.

Cock Sucker -- 1. A person who sucks cock; 2. What you call a
person that you really hate; 3. Jason.

Cock Throbbin' -- A heaving male sex organ after spurting-out a
creamy, but hot, steaming gelatinous load.

Colon Collisions -- 1. Mixing foods like spicy Mexican and a ton
of beer. 2. A load of spermicelli splashing against a turd inside
someone's ass.

Colonic Compression -- The building pressure of a bodacious fart.

Coming -- A really fun experience. Synonyms: busting a nut;
blowing your load; flushing your fuck-stick; hosing; voiding your
nutz; blowing a wad;

Condom -- Something that you put on your throbbing, turgid
erection for one of the following reasons: 1. To prevent your
prematurely becoming a daddy; 2. To keep you from catching
something that you can't get rid of. 3. To deprive you of any
sensations upon your shaft; so that while she's gnawing at the
pillows, you're fucking up a storm just to say that you had fun
also. Synonyms: dick helmet; wet suit; Cony island white fish;
rubber; wrap; cock sock; French tickler; French purse; bathing
cap; prophylactic; balloon; scum bag; baggie; no-fun; sheath;
Saran wrap; gift wrap; corn-in-wear (for when your in her
corn-hole); orgasm-inhibitor; latex tuxedo; catcher's mitt; fez;
zoot suit; sausage casing; slink sink;

Copulation de Mamas -- Where you place your penis between a
woman's breasts and fuck the shit out of them. (No, it's not
fucking someone's mother. (Though that's fun also, the bitch's
more experienced)) Synonyms: Titty fucking.

Corn Flakes -- Dried cum on skin.

Corn-Hole -- A woman's asshole that is so tight, it could husk
corn on the cob if forcefully inserted.

Corral Snake -- The Stallion's flaming beaver cleaver.

Cow -- A passive sexual partner.

Cow Boi -- A fag who rump-frumps bulls.

Cow Poke -- One who bangs bovines. Ex: Queen Pasiphae, Billy Ray
Cyrus, etc...

Cow Lick -- A bull lapping at Sharon's pastrami flaps.

Creme de Doberman -- Same as the following definition, but only
from a Doberman.

Creme de Equine -- An alcoholic distillation of horse-jizm (69

Cross-Fire -- The simultaneous splatter of more than one load of
white-hot fuck-launch fondant on a cunt's face, as they try to
obtain the goal of her awaiting mouth.

Cum -- A white, gel-like fluid that spurts forth from the penis.
(See Testicular Tapioca for related Synonyms.)

Cum Again? -- What is only to be expected from women (again and
again) while they are currently being wrathfully subjected to the
ultimate and divine cack of PP.

Cum Bathing -- The act of a guy letting his wad fly through the
air to splash on the skin of a woman and she then bathes with it
-- Rubber Ducky is Optional.

Cum Connoisseur -- A lady who has consumed so much jizz that
(after taking a sip from a champagne glass) could say something
like "Ah, yes.  This particular load cums from a Dalmatian,
perhaps three years old.  It was obtained by hand, by a young
blond virgin who speaks French and has an intense interest in
animal husbandry, and bingo."

Cum Quaffer -- A woman who relishes the flavor of cum so much,
that when she drinks a big, frothing cup of it, she spills a good
portion of it upon the bare skin of her tits.

Cum Receptacle -- A woman (just kidding -- not!).  Any orifice in
a woman, animal or household appliance.

Cum Sucker -- A woman who continually continues to suck every drop
of warm and sweet semen out of an already discharged penis.

Cum Swiller -- A female who drinks cum with abandon.

Cunnilingual -- A person who speaks the language of cunts.

Cunnilingus -- Oral stimulation of a pussy.

Cunt -- 1. What you call a bitch that you really can not stand; 2.
A wonderful orifice used expressly for fucking; 3. Women in

Cunts -- Plural of cunt.

Dangling Participle -- A flaccid penis, swinging in the breeze.
Ex. Horse cocks slide out of their sheaths to dangle, limply.
Slight movements send tremorz from the base to the tip, traveling
sinuously down the length and causing Sharon to cream her jeans at
the sight of 29 inches of flaming equine love.

DBR -- A group of studs who are the epitome of manhood and every
fine-looking woman wants to have sex with them. They also play a
very unique type of music called Har-Core.

Deviate -- 1. Something that is considered not the norm. Sort of
like Tod, he is definitely not normal; 2. PP.

Dick Helmet -- A condom that only fits over the head of your penis
(sort of like a bathing cap).

Dick Spit -- Spit from a dick (cum). See testicular tapioca.

Dick Wrangler -- A person who has a monstrous grip upon their
penis when masturbating.

Dilatation of the Rectum -- Can be used to describe anal
relaxation where, after penile insertion, the bumhole ceases to
constrict, but what we mean should be called permanent rectal
dilatation (P.R.D.), where the asshole gapes at you, and shit just
falls right out of it.

Dildo -- (plural dildos.  Pertaining to dildi) An artificial
penis. Women use them when their self-indulging. They cum in many
shapes and sizes. Some even have studs or are ribbed. There's even
one you fill up with warm water. We at PP headquarters (no, not a
blow-job for twenty-five cents) realize that dildi are a poor
substitute for our own towers of power. Hey! Even we can only
service so many women before our massive rods wilt, though we sure
as hell try! Tod's main sex-partner.

Dog -- A frequent bestial participant since it is so easily
accessible to most people. Sharon's first animal fuck. Synonyms:
Canine, puppy, doggy, Rex, Pleasure Pet,

Dog Cock -- What all women love to suck on, & Sharon.

Dog and Pony Show -- Meaning everything imaginable, the whole ball
of wax. Definition: A show down in Tiajuana where a nubile young
Hispanic girl fucks dogs and screws ponies and does donkeys in
front of a whole crowd of people, getting paid about ten dollars a
show. Just imagine her, walking off the stage, her pussy oozing
mixed animal slop.

Doggy Style -- A sexual position where the woman gets down on her
hands and knees and the man cums up from behind (on his knees) and
inserts his penis into her and then proceeds to fuck her like dogs
do. Sharon must be admired for her authenticity. We at PP
headquarters (no, not a blow-job for twenty-five cents) believe
that using dogs (usually Hans, the German Shepherd) as sexual
partners (or Cob, the Golden Retriever) in this position is a tad
extreme (very interesting to watch, but shtupid).

Donkey -- A sexual partner for innovative women, his penis being
larger than a man's but yet not so big as to rupture the cunt. If
she's tried out PP, then she's use to big dicks by now.

Donkey Dick -- A huge, grayish black tool that PP loves to watch
women suck on till the animals' orgasm in their mouths.

Donut -- An asshole that has been butt-fucked so many times that
if you but had a flashlight, you could see the chick's god damn
spleen up it.

Donut Factor -- The degree of tightness of a bumhole.

Donut Glazing -- Where you slip your dick out of a cunt's asshole
just as you skeet, thereby glazing her donut with your white-hot

Douche-Bag -- 1. A real bastard; 2. Something that we won't
describe because it's pretty sick 3. Tod.

Ejaculate -- The cock's spurting out exclamations of cum.
Synonyms: getting your rocks off; shooting the sherbet; coming;
glazing her face; blowing your oats; cracking yr nttz; dropping a
coil; shooting yer silly-string;

Emancipation Percosolation -- Freedom for all to fuck animals.

Embolus -- Anything inserted into a vagina, or shaped for
insertion. I.E. A penis, dildo, broom handle, beer bottle, garden

Enemation -- The peculiar movements made by a person receiving a
horse-cum enema (usually a lot of screaming is involved).

Engorged Beaver, An -- 1. A woman's vagina that is currently
sexually aroused and ready to take on a whole lot of cock.  It
forms a pleasant bulge in the woman's genital-area; 2. A woman's
vagina that is almost painfully stretched around a huge, turgid
penis embedded deeply firmly within (could be The Stallion's or
the fat end of a baseball bat).

Equine -- One of Sharon's lovers.

ERA (Erectile Rights Amendment) -- (If the world was perfect)
Where if bitches wearing skin-tight and downright skimpy clothing
gives ya a woody, she should be obligated to suck you off.

Erection -- A sexually excited cock. For synonyms, look under

Erection Injection -- Vented cum.

Face Glazing -- Having a woman grind her pussy against your face
repeatedly as your tongue lashes out, flicking across her clitoris
and labia, subsequently getting her rocks off, covering your face
with her hot, sticky lube.

Facial Squat -- Having a cunt perched right above your mouth.

Fag -- A faggot.

Faggot -- A guy who has his priorities fucked up.  These are
really disgusting people.  Sam Kinnison said it best, "How can any
guy look at another's hairy ass and find love?" -- A bat boy;
weenie chewer; fuck stick flogger; Tod; poker smoker; rear-admiral;
frig-a-queer general; field
marshal; vice-boi (Tod);
chode smoker; Bugle-Boi; Cabin Boi; Cabana Boi; rod gobbler (thanx
J.G.); cum gurgler; Chode Yodeler;

Faggular -- Descriptive word used to pertain to faggots in

Faggy -- Adj. Used like faggular.

Fart -- A gaseous outburst from your bumhole.

Fellatio -- A really fun thing where a woman happily sucks upon a
male's penis. It is hopeful that she is familiar with this
art-form; that she knows how to use her tongue and not to let her
teeth scrape, also she shouldn't have braces or she'll mangle your
prick. Synonyms: blow-job; head; oral sex; sword swallowing;
tonsil hockey; bobbing the knob; playing the skin flute; fluting;
spit shining; deep throat; gun gulping; cock sucking (no, not
blowing roosters); sucking cock; sucking dick; true love; smoking
the chode; lubricating the launch-sausage; salivating the scummi

Female -- A wonderful creature.  She has a pussy and breasts a
mouth and long hair.  The dominant features are the pussy and
breasts and all of that other fun stuff.  Or just the pussy, for
that's all that really matters in life.  PP doesn't know if it
even matters if the said female is human or not.  Matter of fact
that might even be more important because you don't have to put up
with constant chattering, nag-nag-nagging and don't have to lend
an animal your fucking credit card.

Female Condom -- A garbage bag; a scumbag; a catcher's mitt;

Fondantage -- Fuck launch expelled by a Titan Scum Conduit

Fondue a la Fuck -- Semen.

Foot-Long Sausage -- The dicks of PP.

Four-Legged Lover -- Any animal of either sex that is physically

Fornication -- Any unlawful sex act. Awwww!

Firmament -- Any stiff turbo steak ready to be jammed-in. Not like
a limp noodle, called a softament.

Freezer-Queen -- A stupid cunt who just lies there, not
responding, while you plow a furrow between her legs.

Frooter -- One who frootz.

Froot Loop -- A fag's asshole.

Froth -- A foaming white seminal fluid.

Frottage -- The act of one getting one's rocks off by rubbing
their genital-area against the body of another person.

Fuck -- (-ed) Where you've really been screwed; (-ER) 1. A person
who fucks; 2. A term of derisiveness; (-ing) What men and women
like to do for entertainment, it being one hell of a lot of fun.
Synonyms: screw; lay; hump; poke; coitus; copulate; mate; breed;
pump; bed; rut; service; cover; couple; join; sexual intercourse;
jump; bang; bonk; boink; bop; hose; drill; dancing the mattress
waltz; nail; spike; bouncy-bouncy; hide the salami; dipping;
getting mud for your turtle; checking her oil; mud packing; 
dipping your wick; soak it in cider; taking the plunge; cleaning
her pipes; (she's) riding the pony; stiffing; sowing wild oats;
rolling in the hay; diddling; doing it; making bacon; true love;
plunging; swiving; laying pipe; inking my quill pen; whammy;
dorking; plow; cleaning the clam; nut the bitch; snogging;
shagging; on her back sack; making the beast with two backs;
riding the pretty pony; Starsky in Hutch;

Fuck Droppings -- The combination of spunk and lube dripping out
of a woman's pussy when she's walking about after having sex.

Fuck Fest -- A merry festivity in where any type of fucking goes.
Though whenever this happens to PP, there is no faggular type
shit, though lesbian activities are encouraged. Usually, in these
things there are various barnyard animals engaged in lusty-fun-type 
thingamajigs with the human participants.

Fuck-Ooze -- Vaginal lubricants mixed with jizz.

Fuck Sandwich, A -- (Also, Heaven) Two women, one laying on top of
the other between her legs, their pussies pressing against each
other's (this happens all the time with PP) and a guy walks up
between their legs and fucks them both, switching back and forth
as he chooses.

Fudge Packing -- Anal sex where the recipient hasn't taken a shit
before hand.

Full Facial -- Where your flurry of cum catches her fully in the

Fystor -- One who fysts!

Fystor Blystor -- Chaffing aggravated sores on your knockwurst
caused by excessive excitement from your fyst.
Gang-Bang -- Where one woman attempts to solely deplete many men
of all their liquid lava -- Sloppy seconds, dude!

Gang-Bang Facial -- Where a woman is caught in the cross-fire from
several guys and has hot cum oozing over her face like Hershey's
syrup over ice-cream.

Gaping Asshole - An asshole that has been butt-fucked so many
times that if you had a flashlight, you could look right up it.

Gay Porno -- Tod's other job and personal passion.

Gay Team, The -- Tod and his dick.

Gemstone Polisher -- A hot cunt's mouth when she steam-cleans yer
gemstonz. Tod.

Gene Juice -- Cum, Semen, Sperm, etc.

Genetic Fuck-Up -- A person who is so fucked-up that the reason
can only be the fault of his parents taking acid.

Genital-Area -- (For guys) The wonderful place between a woman's
legs. (For women) The place of eternal enjoyment between a male's
legs or it's a woman's pubic region.

German Shepherd -- A dog that is large enough to sexually gratify
a woman's wonderfully perverted lust. Also he was Sharon's first
introductory trek into the forbidden (butt fun) pleasures of

Girl -- A young woman. Also can be a woman younger than you who is
relatively lacking in sexual experience or still retains her
virginity (but not for long, heh, heh!).

Giving Head -- The art of a woman using her mouth and throat to
bring about an orgasm in a man, woman or animal.

Gladiator -- A faggot who is into abuse and leather.

Glands -- What PP thinks with.

Glans -- The knob-like end of an erection.

Glenoid -- A woman who's pussy isn't deep at all.

Greasy Cucumber, The -- A lesbian bar.

Grecian Formula -- A closely guarded recipe for the perfect
anal-lube. It's been handed down from Greek father to Greek son
over hundreds of generations, and, as close as we can determine
(from the analysis of a pilfered sample) it contains: lard, olive
oil, really bad wine and the Spanish Fly.

Greek Platter -- Steamed horse cock (sheathe, scrotum and
testicles) served hot and erect with creme de equine (from this
horse's cock) sauce.

Grind -- The motion that a woman makes when straddling your
saddle-horn. Sort of moving her pelvis back and forth very slowly,
grinding her pussy against your belly.

Grip Factor -- The degree of tightness of a mouth, cunt, or
asshole upon your staid erection.

Guy-Wand Blo -- The inherent talent of the spectacular testicular
ambuscade by males of all stripe.

Gyroscopic Jack-Off -- An experience that you must try at least
once in your life. What it is, is a woman giving you a hand-job
while you ride a sit-in-spin.

Har-Core -- The pathetically violent, but sexually deviate music
of PP.

Heavy-Handed -- Where someone jacks-off so hard and fervently that
it hurts to piss for an hour and suffers from third-degree

Heavy Petting -- The fondling and kissing which make-up foreplay
to get her sexually excited and in the mood to do it.

Homoglobin --  The aids infested cum of a fag's bloodstream.

Homologue -- A fag's ax. Their always willing to bury the hatchet
in their boyfriend's ass.

Homology -- The pointless and fruitless (or is it fruit-full? (All
I know is that fruit belongs in there somewhere.)) study of fags.

Homo-Percosolation -- Fucking an animal of the same sex as you
are. Like Tod butt-fucking The Stallion. Or vice versa.

Homo-Phone -- 1-900-BOI-SCRU; 1-900-BOI-NUTZ; 1-900-ASS-FUCK;
1-900-KUM-CHUG; 1-900-BOB-KNOB; 1-900-DOE-NUTT; 1-900-NUT-N-ASS;
1-900-SUCK-DIK; 1-900-BLOW-MEE; 1-900-RIM-JOBB; 1-900-NUT-LICE;
1-900-SORE-ASS; 1-900-FROOTER; 1-900-CUM-BATH; 1-900-SLURPEE;
1-900-RUNI-BUM; 1-900-ASS-HAIR; 1-900-NUTT-SUK; 1-900-FUCKD-UP;
1-900-FLAKING; 1-900-JERK-OFF; 1-900-FYSTORZ; 1-900-BOI-CHOW;
1-900-MY-SEMEN; 1-900-CHOW-CUM; 1-900-CUM-CIKL; 1-900-BLOW-POP;
1-900-BOI-COIL; 1-900-KUM-KOIL; 1-900-REAM-MEE; 1-900-BTT-PLUG;
1-900-MUD-FLAP; 1-900-QUEERIO; 1-900-GET-AIDS; 1-900-LMP-WRST;
1-900-CHOADER; 1-900-FUDJ-PAK; 1-900-YR-QUEER; 1-900-BOI-LOVE;
1-900-BUM-RUSH; 1-900-EAT-TURD; 1-900-KUM-TUNG; 1-900-WITE-HOT;
1-900-TITE-BOI; 1-900-CHKN-HWK; 1-900-SCROTER; 1-900-WITE-OUT;
1-900-HEMROID; 1-900-BUT-SORE; 1-900-BUTT-PUS; 1-900-SEEPAGE;
1-900-BUT-OOZE; 1-900-BOLOGNA; 1-900-ALL-BEEF; 1-900-HOT-PORK;
1-900-SFINCTR; 1-900-FUCK-MEN; 1-900-FUCK-OFF; 1-900-RAPE-MEN;
1-900-NUT-BOYZ; 1-900-HOT-ROPE; 1-900-WET-ROPE; 1-900-CHOKE-IT;
1-900-VAS-LEEN; 1-900-JRK-U-OFF; 1-900-LUV-PUMP; 1-900-TUNG-ITT;
1-900-LCKY-BOI; 1-900-HRSY-HWY; 1-900-

Homo Percosolation -- The cool act (according to Tod) of
butt-fucking a male animal or the giving of head to it. Just
imagine, lift a stallion's tail, slide your stiff, greased peep up
under it and into his ass and fuck him till 'ya nut in his
butt..... Kinda cool, ain't it?.... Or you hold his erection in
his hand and give it a tongue-massage, coating it with your saliva
until he nuts.

Homorrhage -- A faggy tantrum. A daisy in a tizzy. A chemical
reaction in a fag's brain when the drapes don't match the carpet.

Homophiliac -- A person whom loves craves fags.

Homorrhoids -- Aching sores on the bumhole caused by constantly
being chafed by a dick fucking the ass.

Horse -- The perfect sexual being.

Horse-Apple Sauce -- What is made while a man butt-fucks a horse
and expels his sake within. It's the horse's shit mixed with human

Horse Cum -- One of Sharon's staple [stable] foods.

Horse Humping -- Where a stallion rears back and lunges forward
with one motion, mounting the mare he is about to service. Then
his penis becums erect and shoots forth several feet into the
mare. (I imagine as it's surging forward it bounces off of each of
her inner thighs as it's directed towards her pleasure center...)
Anyway, he then inches up closer, penetrating the mare deeply
until his hips encompass her rump. Then he begins with long, deep
thrusts and the pace gradually increases until he is 
huffing and puffing like mad and finally buries his fuck stick
deeply within the mare and shoots forth his liquid enamel... Or,
it's a human humping a horse.

Horse-Milking -- The action of Sharon's hand clutched tightly
around The Stallion's slimy pink dick and milking that spectacular
muscle for its creamy juices.

Horse Whip -- What Sharon uses to top her pudding in a desert cup.

Hoss -- Shawon's pronunciation of the word "horse" whilst talking
'round a steaming, foaming, oozing, sleazing, load of liquid
equine amorae eel ooze.

Hot Beef Injection -- A massive erection. Use its cum for a
healthy complexion.

Hot Cum -- A liquid that explodes violently forth from an erection
when the thus said erection has been stimulated beyond all
endurance. It is usually hot, white and creamy; a lot of girls
think it tastes good.

Hot Penile Tank -- A set of ballz that are filled to the point of
bursting with cum.

Hot Shot -- A hot load of cum that hits a girl right in the face.

Illicit Touchings -- (From W.) See Unsanctioned Gropings.

Impale -- A woman violently ramming herself down onto a penis.

Impearl -- To cover a chick with a pearl necklace.

Indented Turd -- A piece of shit with an end that is pounded-in
from the repeated pummeling by a penis.

Indian Snake Dance -- The sinuous twitchings down the length of
your gravy snake before the onslaught of orgasm.

In the Line of Fire -- A woman's face poised in front of a penis
that's about to blow-it!

Jack-in-the-box -- Having your penis inside a woman.

Jaw-Breaker -- The ridiculously large pricks of PP.

Jeremiah's Jump-Rope -- Having a girl grab your dick and run
rapidly away from you for about twenty feet then use it to skip
rope... Ouch!

Jiggling Breasts -- What you see when you are in a sexual position
where a woman's breasts can hang free. Say, for instance that she
is sitting on your saddle-horn, happily impaling herself upon your
turgid luv-lizard. When she slams her pussy onto your lap-pole her
breasts will shimmer and shake. Those are Jiggling Breasts.

Jiz-Bag -- See Tod.

Jyzz-Hitsu -- The marital art (or is that martial?) training of
strategic nutting. Ex: White-eye; face-hit; nose plugging;
tongue-dashing; breast brazing; fondantal glazing of the anus;
pube moussing; chin-clinging;

Kinkdom -- A domain where kink reigns.

Kinky -- Something sexually perverse that really gets your fucking
rocks-off just by thinking about it. Like women fucking women,
dogs, donkeys, ponies, horses, mules and deer; or them sucking-off
goats, pigs, sheep, and antelopes; or jacking-off bulls, bison,
zebras and pelicans into a glass to drink later, etc, etc, etc...

Labia -- (Latin) The lip-like protrusions around a woman's pussy
orifice that wrap around your penis and aid in the milking of your
penis for its cum.

L.A.P. (Launch Absorption Pad) -- The genital sponge: a slop mop,

Lap Dog -- Sharon's canine that's into Cunnilingus.

La-Z-Boi -- The passive partner during fag sex.

Legs -- The part of a woman that looks good when their spread
apart. They also feel good when your hips slap up against the
backside of them when you're pile-driving the bitch.

Lesbian -- A woman who occasionally (or permanently) seeks sexual
gratification from other women. PP is a firm advocate of this
sexuality... Very firm.

Lesbian Activities -- What PP likes to watch women engage in.

Lez-O-Fest -- Sharon and Jenny agitating each other with various
latex toys.

Lip Callous -- A thick pad of skin formed on the lips caused by
the aggravation and chaffing of having a dick pass repeatedly
between thus said lips. Tod has a collection.

Lips -- The part of a woman that is usually wasted by constantly
flapping as they constantly gibber. A more useful endeavor would
be to have them moist and wet, wrapped around your width as she
bobs her head up and down the length of your cock!

Lip Service -- What PP likes to lie back and enjoy from a woman,
it being something that feels good and shuts them the fuck up for
a while!!

Listless -- What a woman is after having therapeutic sex with
either PP or The Stallion or Cob.

Love -- An emotion which in D's experience, causes more pain than
joy in the long run. See lust.

Lover -- 1. A person used for sexual gratification; 2. One who

Lube -- Any liquid which facilitates fucking. Whip cream, baby
oil, a woman's vaginal lube.

Lust -- What women are awfully good at relieving -- PP's sole

Male -- Any creature with a dick and a rampaging lust.

Mamo-Slam -- Titty fucking. Where you lay your pork sword between
her breasts, fuck them and then boogie all over her face.

Man -- One who craves sex.

Manhood -- The urge to fuck anything with a hole.

Mare -- A female horse. An incredibly beautiful creature and also
a good lay. D likes to probe a mare's pussy with his sex silo,
grasping her big rump in his arms when he grunts and shoots his
load. D's future woman for she's the only one who will fuck him.

Masturbation -- What people like Jason and Tod do constantly in
public. Tod's total sex-life (other than male animals and starring
in gay porno flics). PP likes to watch women do this, sawing their
hands between their legs, inserting fingers, hot juices running... 
Synonyms: flogging your log; bopping the baloney; choking the
chicken; beating off; beating the meat; playing with yourself;
fondling your fuck-stick; massaging your muscle; waxing your
salami; flubing your tube; jacking off; jerking off; poker stroking; pulling
your pud;
auto-desemeniza-tion; rubbing your rod; polishing your knob; pummeling the
yanking your yo-yo; bouncing your boner; waving the wand; baton
twirling; self-indulgence; tossing-off; tilting your luv-wheel;
scathing your scud missile; rod womping; fondle your fonzie;
squeegee your squiggy; manual rhythmic auto-deseminiza-tion
undulation of your peep; squeezing one off; spanking your monkey;
rubbing your Rubic; a hands-on experience; adjusting your set;
batting practice; being your own best friend; changing your oil;
cooking some sheet-meat; dishonorable discharge; doing some rapid
one-arm pull-ups; fathering some pleasure; firing your squirt-gun;
fyst-kabobbing; ironing some wrinkles; junior-olympic pole-vaulting;
 launching the hand-shuttle; measuring for condoms; pud-wrestling;
 punching your way into heaven; ruffing-up the suspect;
speed-kneading; spreading the mayo; squeezing the tooth-paste;
staff meating; throttle the bottle; tugging your tapioca tube;
walking the log; white-water wristing; bungee-pumping; 

Mid-Nut Express -- A long, late-night freight train that delivers
its cargo of pearly, viscous fluids to the fallopian tubes.

Mike Boyle Stroke -- An innovative technique of masturbation. A
knuckle-baller; a light knuckler;

Monkey Spunk -- Well?

More! -- What PP constantly is begged for from assorted women
after having jettisoned their fondant deeply inside their pussy.
To which PP usually replies, "Yo! Get me a beer first, bitch!"

Mouth -- The part of a woman's face which is best used to suck on
cock, then catch a steaming load or to munch on pussy, being
totally useless for anything else.

Mud Flaps -- A fag's ballz.

Murphy Mart -- A vagina that sees a great amount of commerce.

Muscle of Masculinity -- A male protuberance. A towering pillar to
pulchritudinocity. A glorifying edifice to the wonders of fucking.
A resplendent monument to busting a nut.

Nut and Bolt -- '90s term for luv'em and leave'em.

Nut Job -- 1. Getting your sac sucked (Oh boy! Oh boy! Oh boy!).
2. Being a porno star. 3. Being employed in a sanitarium.

Nut-Juggling -- A feat of womannual dexterity in which she
simultaneously sucks and juggles your nutz.

Nutz -- Testicular Gonads.  Gemstonz.

Nympha -- The labia minora. The inner pussy lips that do the
actual job of milking your cock for its jizz, versus the labia
majora that are just decorative trappings that just keep your cum
from seeping out.

Nymphomaniac -- A woman who cannot get enough cock. All women are
nymphomaniacs after PP have gotten done with them.

Ode to Chode, An -- A fagular luv poem.

Onanism -- 1. Withdrawal before the occurrence of orgasm. (Ya
sperm on the bitch's belly or ass.) 2. Masturbation. 3. Tod's sex

Oral Tantalization -- A woman (or man if a woman is the object)
who teases the opposite sex's (or same if it's two women)
genital-area with their various mouth-parts.

Orgasm -- A really fun type of experience in which your whole body
tenses and then releases and various muscles of your body spasm
and shake causing the world to fade out and your lips to becum
numb. PP would like to have an orgasm extend out for the rest of
their lifetimes. Synonyms: climax; achieving godhood; culminating;
reaching the peak; doing imitations of the Tasmanian devil;
boogie-ing; get down, get funky; surmounting the summit; busting a
nut; voiding your nutz; purging your prick; ruckus; commotion;

Orgasmic Ooze -- If pertaining to a male: it's his semen; and if a
female: it's her lubricating fluids. I.E. lube.

Orgy -- A party where things get really out of hand. People lose
control of their bodily urges (and their clothes) and wind up
doing things in the heat of the moment that they will undoubtedly
regret later.

Ornamental Fondantings -- Decorative and strategically placed
(shot, actually) blistering-hot strands of carnal ball-slop used
to offset other beautification enhancers. Layman's Definition: A
pearl necklace.

Ouch! -- When a girl rips-off your nutz and then uses them to play
hop-scotch or jacks or squash.

Ovoid Cum-Factory -- (O.C.F.) Usually cums in quantities of tu.
A.K.A. nutz.

Part Balls -- My nttz.

Pasiphae -- (Myth.) Queen of Crete, woman to king Minos. Myth has
it that Poseidon, lord of the deep, sent a white bull to Minos for
sacrifice to the god. Upon seeing the magnificent animal, Minos
decided not to sacrifice such a beautiful creature and slew a bull
from his own herds. This angered Poseidon greatly, and in
retaliation inflamed lust within Pasiphae to copulate with the
bull. How she did is anyone's guess, but he sired the Minotaur by
her. Wonder if she really got-off, or what?

Pelvic Thrust -- The peculiar motion of one's hips while engaged
in coitus.

Pelvis -- The region between your hips.

Penetration -- The act of an erection entering a pussy. Synonyms:
entering; slipping inside; piercing; delving; parting the waters;

Penis -- A wonderful organ. Women can make beautiful music by
playing it with their mouth. So can Tod.

Penile Choke -- The grabbing of the male sex organ so hard that it
lets out an audible gasp.

Penile Insertion -- The act of inserting the penis into a bodily

Penile Shaft -- Stem of the dick.

Penile Sheath -- Fleshy protective covering of an animal's penis
(and Boyle's).

Penile Speck -- Boyle's dick.

Penile Tank -- The scrotal reserve from which the cum flows.

Penis Wrestler -- A woman who jumps upon, then hog-ties any male
she deems sexually pleasing, and then fucks the shit out of him.

Percosolatio -- The giving of head to an animal (swallowing cum

Percosolation -- Any sexual relation with an animal.

Percosolation Au Gratinization -- The covering of an object with
animal slide. I.E. Sharon's face, her breasts, her genital area,
her food... Just imagine, her with a gravy-boat full of horse
sperm (that she obtained by hand and mouth and vagina), and
pouring it on her mashed potatoes like melted cheeeeeeeze.

Percosolation Bonerization -- An animal dicking something.  An
animal erection. A doggy doinker, a horsy hard-on, a giraffe
gizmo, a donkey dick, a mule mast, a antelope's arrow, a sheep's
skewer, a kangaroo's Kissinger;

Percosolation Buggerization -- Being butt-fucked by an animal. Or
butt-fucking an animal in kind (actually, in ass).

Percosolation Chocolatization -- The act of coating your petrified
crank with fudge by forcefully and repeatedly thrusting it inside
up under The Stallion's tail into his well-formed and large (a
whole lotta luvin') bum.

Percosolation Confection Injection -- The mind-scrambling
accomplishment of The Stallion squeezing-off a white-hot round
inside Sharon.

Percosolation Defecation -- Shitting out animal launch from
Sharon's asshole.

Percosolation Dildi -- The mission to obtain a dildo that will
satisfy the randy pony stallion. You have 10 seconds to accept
this mission before this message will self destruct.

Percosolation Enemation -- Having an animal's chickenhawke stuffed
up yer ass and a load of fahfeneugate being blown.

Percosolation Fixation -- Being sexually oriented on four-leggers
-- D.

Percosolation Gonadulation -- The pulsing twitching throbbing
heaving of The Stallion's big Gnutz.

Percosolation Hallucination -- Where you experience such a quite
splendid orgasm with yer animal buddy that you hallucinate.

Percosolation Inhalation -- A woman's sudden startled (but
pleasant) swallowing of animal cock.

Percosolation Lubrication -- Where an animal's pussy lubricates to
facilitate the thrusting of your turgid mizzenmast.

Percosolation Masturbation -- The action of Sharon's hand clutched
around the width of The Stallion's scummi wurm to obtain a
slippery sum of his Scrotal Twitch Paste.

Percosolation Nuttle-ation -- Throbbing animal sac.

Percosolation Oscillation -- We've no idea what this could
possibly be, but it sounds cool, don't it? -- The twitching of The
Stallion's behemoth scrotum after having pumped a shit-load of cum
through his massive luv conduit buried deeply inside Sharon's
pussy orifice.

Percosolation Percosolation -- Animals fucking animals of other
species at a human's behest. Like the time when I mounted my dog
on a goat....

Percosolation Perturbation -- Becoming hinky while screwing an

Percosolation Pulsation -- The heavenly quaking of The Stallion's
big bitch-buster.

Percosolation Qualification -- The willingness and ability to
masterfully and proficiently copulate with an animal.

Percosolation Regurgitation -- Sharon's massive consumption of
animal fizz (mainly of the equine flavor) till she pukes.

Percosolation Revelation -- The beatific realization that people
and animals are sexually compatible. I.E., your hardware will fit
into an animal's software, and vice versa (luckily for Sharon).

Percosolation Salivation -- What happens within Sharon's mouth
when she thinks about sucking Horse cock.

Percosolation Scrotulization -- Directing the flow from a beast's
cock onto whatever you wish to apply it to. Your face, your food,
your tung.

Percosolation Seminal Infestation -- Sharon's being shit-ridden
with animal slop.

Percosolation Tintinnabulation -- The ringing echoes of Sharon's
moaning while The Stallion jitterbugs within her.

Percosolation Ululation -- Loud designation of the pleasure
currently being experienced during sex with a beastly sexual

Percosolation Vaccination -- 1. An animal purging his 7up within a
woman; 2. Venting yer spermicelli within an animal.

Percosolation Xylophonation -- Xylophoning an animal. Ex. Sharon
suckling upon The Stallion's Gnadz to stimulate the production of
He-Brew so that when he Knutz, she is ensured to obtain the
largest glassful of La-boi's beef fairy-aki.

Percosolatron -- A structure designed to facilitate the act of
fornication between a woman and a horse without her getting

Percosolenema -- Self explanatory (some things are so sick that
even PP can't define them).

Percosolingus -- An animal nibbling at a woman's genital area.

Permanent Rectal Dilatation -- Where you could stick your middle
finger up a woman's asshole without ever touching the rim.

Pervert -- PP (also Perv).

Pile Driving -- Really fast, forceful and deeply penetrating sex.
Especially pertaining to the position where the woman's legs are
on either side of your neck and her back is bent so that you're
pile-driving straight down into her socket.

Pony -- The more likely bestialistic partner for a woman. If she
would have sex with for a full-blown (sorry for the pun) stallion
his massive hard-on would gut her like a trout. Those things are
easily three feet long! Why do you think that a stallion's penis
is called a yard? Other animals of the equine persuasion that a
woman could hump are: miniature horses, donkeys, mules and zebra.

Pony Express -- An escort service founded by The Stallion for
women who like a really good fuck and are not picky about what
they're fucking.

Post-Anal Drip -- The sniffling of the rectum to retain the
freshly-deposited sum of goop-de-jour after a good ass-fucking.

Pouty Blow-Job Lips -- Those sullen, pouty lips which feel so good
when they're wrapped around your member.

Pregnancy -- An evil word in the world of PP and is a curse often
used there: "I hope your girlfriend gets pregnant!", etc. It
usually means that your life is over.

Prime Slime de Bovine -- Bull Ball Chowder.

Protein-Rich Diet, A -- Sharon's. She gets too much protein, and
not enough vegetables by solely existing on a diet of spoot.

Pubic Hair -- Synonyms: Bush; thatch; bramble; briar patch;
jungle; forest; Brilo pad; steel wool; luffa; foliage;

Pubic Weed-Whacker -- A device used to tame the wild thatch of
pubic hair.

Puppy Love -- The physical act of the expression of the bond
between human and canine.

Pussy -- A really fun orifice used for copulation. Synonyms:
Beaver; cunt; Cunny; Twat; Bearded clam; Hair Pie; Luv Sockitt;
Glory hole; fuck-Hole; Slot; Baby-Maker; The only good part of a
woman; vagina; quim; A male's sole interest; Jizz Pit; Glory lane;
cock Pit; Slot B; Home Plate; Fur Burger; Slit; Box; dick den;
hair pie; THE orifice; hole; muff; ambition; the pleasure center;
cooch; snatch; snapper; Murphy Mart; nookie; oval office; 
envelope; tunnel of luv; fun; cock pit; velvet vice; one size fits
all; penile poker; cock warmer; gash; better than raw liver or
your hand; the ejaculator; hot pocket; hot spot; jungle; bush; The
Burning Bush; snake pit; (infrequently) the red sea; cock cave;
concavity; cavity; crow's nest; HQ; hive; vortex; abyss; haven;
port; hot house; sauna; jack-oozie; cabbage patch; squint;
paradise; nirvana; heaven; schmunk; pelt; penile-tentiary; scrotal
spittoon; cack-shack; chalice; abyss; abbey; academy; acceptor;
pulpit; cranny; nook; inglenook; gulch; slimy gulch; log cabin;
matrix; lobby; depot; night deposit box; crypt; meat grinder;
Casbah; sluice; lust trench; receptacle; luv compartment;
enchilada; penile masseuse; burrow; borough; nest; nut hut;
genital sponge; pub; Little Debbie's snack cake; crank tank;
spinster; home; Ball Room; Madonna; Sinead O'Connor; log cabin;
log lodge; funk bunker; venom vase; fuc flask; chola; chunt; bear
trap; launching pad; home plate; dug out; snake pit; glove
compartment; love Compartment; Gland Canyon; Dutch Oven; crumpet;
crotch pot; thatch; hog hutch; hovel; shanty; Balldorf Asstoria
Ho-tell; Empire Steak building; boudoir; pole hole; clubhouse;
grotto; holy grail; crucible; constrictor; Texxas Tunnel; Liberty
Tube; cavern; the reason for living; crank case; inlet; canal;
warehouse; hanger; hoghouse; tighthouse; scrotul snare; testicle
tent; squack; velvet vice; luv nest; chamber of cummerce; ball
hall; meat room; meat locker; smoke house; protoplasmic extraction
unit; Bahl-mart; cooter; biscuit;

Quadruped -- 1. Any animal that walks on four feet. 2. Sharon's

Quickie, A -- Really fast sexual intercourse in where the male has
absolutely no consideration in the woman's achieving an orgasm.
Sharon's randy pony stallion likes quickies.

Randy Pony stallion's -- Certain smallish horse's who, (thanks to
Jenny and Sharon) lust after and are sexually oriented on women.
(So is PP)

Rape -- The way of putting a woman back in her place by forcibly
taking some pussy or bending her over the hood her car and
stuffing it up her ass -- Ehhh! She wanted it anyway.

Reamed -- A woman getting fucked by a very large cock (I.E., The

Rectal Dilatation -- The dilatation of the rectum.

Rectal Dinghy -- See anal raft.

Rectal Felony -- Crimes of the anus. Sorta like crimes of the
heart but a little more penetrating.

Rectal Flinch -- The flinching of a bumhole. Sort of like it's
saying "No, don't fuck me!"

Rectal Implant -- The load of cum you shoot up her ass.

Rectal Injection -- Reproductive fluids fired from a cock into the
alimentary canal for grounds of promiscuity. -- Same as above.

Rectal Lint -- Threads of toilet-paper embedded in Bum-Boogers.

Rectal Quiver -- A violent spasm of the asshole after penile
insertion has occurred.

Rectal Rapture -- The ecstasy of the anus when being masterfully
fuck butt-ed.

Rectal Rous -- Pole-Slaw coated turds.

Rectal Recession -- The inability of an anal-slut to make any
money in her jack of trades.

Rectal Regurgitation -- Cum pushed out of the ass by a turd.

Rectal Remission -- The remission of the Rectum.

Rectal Reticence -- The unwillingness of the anus to be pierced by
a dick and to keep its secrets.

Rectal Seepage -- Liquid seeping out of Sharon's asshole (horse
cum and shit).

Rectal Thermometer -- Tod's tung.

Rectal Throttle -- Use your imagination.

Rectal Tremor -- A low rumbling in your alimentary canal before
you fart.

Rectal Tweezers -- A device used to pluck-off stubborn Bum

Riding him like a horse -- A woman who, when straddled across a
man's hips, Impales herself upon his erection so violently it
looks like she was riding a horse at full gallop (bumpida-bumpida).

Rip-or -- A person who constantly let's 'em rip.

Rim Job -- Someone tonguing your no-entrance ring.

Roto-Frooter -- Faggular sex utilizing a rotisserie.

Rump-Roast -- When you're doggie-styling some bitch and you pull
your cock out, and you blow hot spunk all over her mud-flaps.

Salami Wax -- A lubricous coating that you apply to your dick so
you won't get any brush burns when jacking-off.

Sappho -- Historic poetess of the isle of Lesbos. She made
wonderful poetry between her girlfriend's legs. Need we say more?

Scoob Tube Lube -- Doggy cum.

Screw -- To fuck.

Scrotal Twitch -- Nut Heavings.

Scrotal Walk -- Think about it. If you get a definition, be sure
to let us know.

Scrotal Zits -- Well? Its mutherfucking acne on yer sack, you
stupid cock-sucker!

Scrotum -- The pouch which contains your nutz.

Scum-Plug -- An I.U.D.

Seismic Flatulence -- A fart so violent that it registers on the
Richter scale.

Self-indulgence -- The integration between one's genitals and
their hands or fingers.

Severe Tongue Flogging -- The adept oral administrations of a

Sex -- The wonderful, love-filled joining between a male and a
female in which they decide to create a child, and then just
proceed to fuck their brains out (though with Sharon's choice of
bed-partners, her child wouldn't be fully human).

Sex Addict -- PP.

Sexist -- What PP is.

Sexual Contortionist -- A woman who is so enthusiastic about
having sex, that she wriggles and writhes, raising her hips for
your every thrust and generally enjoys it. Even the most frigid of
women becum sexual Contortionists when PP fucks them.

Sexual Intercourse -- A woman sucks a man's dick. He then slips it
up her quim and fucks the shit out of her.

Sexual Relations -- The sexual Union between two people. (No, not
between family members.)

Sexual Smorgasbord -- Meaning a plethora of sexual variety.

Sexual Union -- The Country where sex is predominates.

Sexual Yoga --  1. The art of wrapping one's legs behind their
neck and licking their genital-area;  2. Playing XXX twister.

Sfpinxter -- B-ese for anus.

Sharon -- A woman who is constantly pushing-back the frontiers of
sex. Her first lay (not the one to take her virginity, that was
her girlfriend, Jennifer with a strap-on dildo) was her German
Shepherd. She then progressed to vegetables, household appliances,
phallic-shaped objects, all male animals and then finally men by
the time she was eighteen.

Sheep -- A conduit for sexually frustrated men.

Shit -- Fecal matter.

Shit-Pit -- The inside of a cornhole.

Side-Saddle -- How Sharon first sat on The Stallion's saddle horn.
(Hopping up and down, of course for better sensations.)

Skeet-O-Rama -- A fagular festivity where they stand around,
jerking off to see who can skeet the most into a cup... Cheers!

Slime Ministor -- The one who leads my being.

Slimy Dick -- An erection covered with a slimy coating of
fuck-Ooze after it's been pulled out of a pussy. Either that or a
cock coated with pre-cum or an animal's penis covered with
lubricating fluids.

SnagglePussy -- A cunt that you cannot insert your shining shaft
into for various obtrusions: class rings, wire coat hangers, used
rubbers, screw drivers, bottle caps, blackjacks...

Sphinctorial Ooze -- (or Sphincter Ooze) Bead of cum seeping out
of the anus.

Sphinctorial Sludge -- Diarrhea.

Squack-squatch, the Abominable -- Any fat cunt's beaver.

Stallion, The -- One of Sharon's many sexual partners. A sexual

Strap-On -- A dildo which is secured to a belt, so that a woman
can fasten it about her pelvis in order to mimic a man so that she
can fuck another lesbian woman. (Kinda fucking cool, ain't it?)

Strap-on-A-Thon -- A contest where women Strap-on a dildo and fuck
each other until they cannot lube anymore. Sharon and Jenny
usually win this contest.

Stud -- (Webster) A male animal, especially a Stallion kept for
breeding purposes. (PP) 1. A male who is either extremely
well-hung or is a sexual guru; 2. The Stallion; 3. PP.

Stud Horse -- 1.  The epitome of studliness; 2. Having a really
large dick; 3.  A guy who is able to bring about mind-numbing
orgasms in women; 4. The Stallion; 5. PP.

Stud Muffin -- A person who is not quite a stud horse.

Striped Dick -- The dick of a zebra.

Stroke till'ya smoke -- Masturbation till the point of spontaneous

Suck -- 1.  To use one's mouth to stimulate sex organs; 2.  What
feels so good on your shwanz; 3. What life does.

Sun Kist Fruit Phallus -- Any phallic fruit. I.E. Bananas, pears,

Surf 'n turf -- Fondanting a chick's thatch with your nut musk.

Teenie-Weeny Weenie Malady (TWWM) -- Where you have such a small
peep, that it would be better if you used your big toe. Tod
donut-Ring suffers this afflik-shun.

Testicle Baldness -- The balding of the nutz.

Testically Speaking -- What you say in a conversation to sound
really brainy. Testically speaking, of course.

Testicular Tapioca -- A fluid which shoots out of an erection when
it has been pleasured beyond all endurance. Synonyms: Jizm; cum;
Sperm; Vanilla Icing; Semen; Luv-Juice; Spunk; orgasmic ooze;
Dripping Luv; Lunch; Jell; Luv-Potion No. 69; glaze; ooze; whipped
cream; load; wad; man milk; dick spit; Froth; Ball Brew; Bahl
Broo; scrotal squirtings; Cream; Creme; Sweet Slime; dynamic
discharge; Spume; Foam; Goo; glue; luv elixir; A hot, sweet,
creamy white-stuff suspended in a clear, oozing fluid; white-out;
broth; broad beverage; oil of a-lay; cock vomit (R came up with
that one); penile puke; erectile excrement; candy; syrup; seminal
syrup; facial cream; cheese-whiz; Mayo; lip balm; liquid enamel;
penis paste; discharge; spray; ejaculations; gonadular guacamole;
makin'-baby formula; Liquid lust; Luv; marshmallow cream;
secretions; scrotal secretions; hair-spray; coital custard; scum;
slop; chowder; whizz; scrotal soup; mung; facial glaze; mousse;
scuzz; lava of lust; fag food; gay gravy; Homo Humus; nut butter;
whipped cream; ball batter; liquid nails; yogurt; spewings;
mouthwash; toothpaste; anti-diarrhetic; milk of magnesia; Filk of
fagnesia; plaster of penis (R again); cock Crisco; bitch bastings;
hurl; male marmalade; goop; guck; liquid pearls; pearl drops;
rubber leftovers; scrotal sap; gene juice; testicular tapioca (of
course); sour cream; moisturizer; fuck sauce; fluid; fondue ala
fuck; cock snot (again, R); milk; cough syrup; fuk lotion; phuck
phlegm; erection expectorations; testicle tonic; penile pudding;
hair conditioner; oxy-10; scrotal stew; sherbet; 
sexual sorbet; Kalua; coconut milk; white chocolate; gum; dick
drool; sludge; Barbasol; Bisquick; Jizquick; Cool Whip; silly
string; caulking (cock-ing); hot shot; Armor all; turtle wax; chap
stick; tofu; mush; grits; oatmeal; cream of meat; gonad grease;
Jerkin's lotion; drip; mucus; flow; dick douchings; murp; murpage;
cream cheese; seed; oats (as in blowing your oats); gonadular
extract; oil; gleet; plasm; plasma; ectoplasm; skeet; liquid
paraffin; mortar; dick deluge; liquid plumber; penile pus;
essence; pectin; wang-whip; testicular tears of joy; fuck-foam;
Brie; spackling compound; silly putty; play-doh; erection
confection; shellac; varnish; stain; dew; honey; Sterno; polish;
finger food; meringue; globule; glide; vanilla milkshake; throb;
throbbings; voidings; syrup of ipecac (ipe-cack); nitro glycerin;
blob; sea monkey syrup; chunks; cement; whey; solution; wang
water; vapor; salve; margarine; ointment; unguent; gelatin;
Jell-O; serum; Dick's vapo-rub; lubrisperm; smear; venom; spritz;
poison; mustard; paint; spray paint; latex; finger paint; dick
dough; suds; liquid soap; little wrigglers; rod wompings; secret
sauce; ranch dressing; buttermilk; bryl-cream; lard; afro-sheen;
nutri sweet; sweet in low; saccharine; Karo syrup; molasses;
preparation H; ball barf; non-dairy creamer; creamora; toffee;
carnal caramel; nut tossings; Visine; nasal spray; primal-teen
mist; mist; fog; smog; erection ejection; penile poot; frosting;
cock congealings; snow cone; slush; spork spores; malted milk; 
internal injection; resin; dick distillations; sweat; exudings;
extrudings; saline; nutrient; Krazy glue; fondant; hydrogen
peroxide; vinegar; Maalox whip; bleach; vitamins; slide; fuel;
staple food; prick silver; mercury; pap; cud; liquid amor‚; bone
marrow; testicle tallow; suet; pop; seltzer; tonic water; shower;
gust; gale; squall; residue; fluoride; flurry; flush; bearded clam
sauce; puree; punch; silicone; milt; soft roe; rid; Rogaine;
outburst; shout; exclamation; concentrate; hail; sleet; Tabasco;
ball-ya-base; dry gas; ball bouillon; acetone; thinner;
turpentine; ass-id; Windex; treat; glucose; sucrose; Velveeta;
ink; water paint; flux; rosin; campho-phenique; chlorophyll;
chloroform; ether; beef gravy; brine; steeping; house wine;
champagne; shampoo; plaque; tartar; gingivitis; horseradish sauce
(Sharon's is made from horses); heave; pulp; pigment; melanin; V8;
strychnine; nectar; Mr. Bubble; pesticide; fertilizer; mung; dong
dung; slick; oil slick; scrum; penile diarrhea; caviar; sQueeb;
urethral upchuck; creosote; soak; float; nut bustings; unction;
pepsogen; cream ale; lager (log-her); Hi-C; runnings; cock clay;
special sprinkles; dash; jimmies; shortening; relish; squirt;
jive; jissom; jism; blot; dab; dep; dip; dap; toxin; DDT; cognac;
spittle; coagulations; cling; flush; beflourish; bondage;
acrylate; nougat; eggnog; nutmeg; propellant; product; procreant;
profluent; projectile; vitriol; ichor; euchre; pap; pepsin; cock
hocker; stuff; penile purgings; purge; Gatorade; mash; thwackage;
whip-off; chow; luv loogie; liquor; wisp; retch; yolk; zing; zoom;
splutter; liquid passion; squeeze; wheeze; stucco; payload; daily
supplement; surge; surf; tide; pay-off; tartar sauce; pemmican;
hemorrhage; harvest; hack; gurgle; gargle; drench; ripple; mocha;
dunk; penchant; penance; effervescence; pension; pep; opiate;
cordial; ball belch; ball burp; confetti; compost; perfume; cack
yack; cologne; salsa; perishable; produce; cock clot; baptism;
paptism; curd; caster oil; medicine; cod liver oil; slurpee; pert;
ball blastage; spew; gunk; zip; cack gack; gack; cock syrup;
liniment; hops; coffee mate; slurpage; hail; 
volley; ungh; urh; ug; yikes; zowwee; shazzam; cunt-ry crock;
surf; dollop; head cheese; booger; just-dessert; cock chokage;
go-jo; groan; sleaze; crud; crum; bisque; hog hollerings; ball
bellow; gulpage; egg drop; chunkage; Lip-Balm's Cup o' goop;
Slime-Feast; vanilla fudge; strafe; Ball-molive; White Rain; Pi¤a
Colonic; Quik; beef stock; Genital Spills Skeeties; Meaties;
Shmear; gristle;  funk; adhesive; ad-HE-sive; brief grease; molt;
slag; nut-white; Kinkyman's Boi Sauce; puddle; balm; marinara;
Gum-Out; clot; apiterife; USDA Daily recommended allowance;
scarfage; snackage; treat; skid; orgazmage; tonic; phuk phlux;
skizz; tack; hormone; free base; malt; butter scotch;
formehldahyde; smudge; slip; pool; slinkage; pulsage; quiver;
heavage; twitchings; flotsam; jetsam; marinade; formula; log
lactation; libation; cum-fetti; pube lube; clearisil; salutation;
genital genuflection; Nu Vinyl; ablution; accelerant; accent;
accident; accretions; marmalade; fruit fresh; hackage; twinkle;
glitter; glisten; glow; titanium white; fetucini au weenie;
barrage; splotch; splurge; 2%; chicken ala ding dong; chickenhawke
ala ding dong; spice; solvent; splash; splat; peckermint schnapps;
vitamin C; skeet-n-low; agent white; lickage; s'mores; testicle
tequila; main vein chow mein; WD-40; vittles; NyQuil; varmint
vomit; Spamage; nut musk; Vagisil; Farm Rich; nuttage; ballings;
Vel-Skeeta; willinage; snarfings; special sauce; skeeties; frosted
mini-skeets; frosted flakes; tastee sleezze; creamy Italian;
groove; icy-hot; effort-dent; moist; wet; stickage; Big Mac-age;
Newman's own; percosolage; muck; Italian Ice; crack; china white;
hash; smack; Old Spice; Brute 33; Scute 33; Rolling Cock;
crescendo; slur; slurp; floaties; silver salute; mercury; salami
alfredo; Miracle 
Whip; ocean spray; bonus; ecto-cooler; kool-aid; back-fire;
crack-fire; kerplunk; yodels; wench quench; gatorade; sexhaust;
slop'n'blo floor polish; flinch; ejaculi; ball-istic; Clearly
Canadian; Canuckage; launch; doobage; ball blo; pearl jam; Mr.
Clean; canola oil; Dom Porion; ham Porion; Cold Duck; sealant;
coolant; hooch; fire water; water color; nut cluster; scummi
wurms; gas-X; twistle-age; Jim Beam; cum-bug; hasenpfeffer; hors
d'ovaries; he-brew; gypsum; glut; nutting honey; jam; a capella au
gratin; ricotta; cottage cheeze; spring water; mineral oil;
Replens; Paula-dent; inglenook hump-er dickage; wookings; Log
Cabin; meal; malice; mallow; lozenge; throat-spray; hambusol;
anusol; ketchup; heap; grime; rime; grand slam; gob; gobbit (look
it up); frenzy; French Chalk; frolicage; flotilla; jet; flirt;
fling; fleck; Breck; fizz; clout; coup d'tat; coup d'grace;
hemlock; sodium bicarbonate; ale; contraband; contra-gland;
compound; homo-genitalized milk; chug; cataclysm; flyball; pop-up;
bunt; knuckle ball; line drive; fast ball; runnel; undie-funk;
Uriah Heapage; lip gloss; gloss; plankton; scunge; split nut soup;
split pea soup; prize; quirk; gag; gland slam; cappacino; cack-tus
juice; wish; gift; clear-coat; epilogue; poi; boi-poi; gumbo;
French Vanilla; wash; detergent; salsoda; mulch; trebuchet; throw;
saki; Heinz 69; A1; Gay-1; slap shot; field goal; punt; incumming;
liquid porcelain; vagina white; surprise; present; Ovary-teen;
Cappio; bacon grease; slap; frenzy; bezerkage;
chlor-aiyagoowah-septic; dijonaise; clench; face hit; ass Plus;
En-Bust; spizz; revelry; viscous revelation; residoo; reply;
compensation; renumeration; dinner; carnal-ation instant
breakfast; lunch; brunch; mid-afternoon snack; late supper;
midnight snack; buffet; din-din; shot; slop shot; slam dunk;
dribble; (sp)rayon; spray n' slush; quintessence; effervescence;
quip; quinine; qualification; qualm; lunge; punctuation; Lap-pio;
1 a day; nootchage-eena; slam funk; lump sum; clump sum; blurb;
jazz; spazzzage; K-Y jelly; Gay-Y Jelly; chinchillage;
monoxi-spill; Mrs. butterworth's; Flog Cabin; Krazy Goo; dressing;
styling gel; command performance; nexxxus; drop off; lemonade;
squeeze off; grease; crude; crude oil; espresso; Texxas T; Arby's
horsy sauce (Sharon's is made from horses); sandwich spread;
cheeze whiz; sleaze whiz; Three-mile island dressing; toxic waste;
butt glaze; nut sauce; rock 'n roll; hustle; hustle-age; mace;
sin; Scooby snacks; Baskin 'n Throbbins 69 flavourz; (liquid)
white gold; cilantro; arugula; anus-ette; a round; antifreeze;
Gilette Foamy; Chablis; white Zinfandel; Bordeaux; bubbly; result;
John Travoltage; Almond Joy; Mounds; gay-onaise; big gulp;
smoothie; Mallo-Cup; Ballman's Gay-onaise; butt plaster; face
bastings; OOPS; duck sauce; Shanghai surprise; slope; Bundt Cake;
Betty-Cocker Cundt Cake; Pee Wee Hermanage; Hermitage;
Chiapettage; Secret Ingredient; Mongol-age; slop en flesh blo;
salami albyno; clamor; ralph; nut ralph; Nacho Sleaze cumbos;
Nacho Sleaze Dork-Skeetoz; liquid albino; nutri-stain; one-eyed
sleaze; scrapple; frottage sleeeze; whang-hi surprise; genuine
draft; polymer; snausages; Bonkerz; spice of pony, the San
Francisco Skeet; strike out-age; Pillar's genuine shaafft; ermine
ink; liquid matriculation; palm oil; cream ale; eel cream; creem
of eel; liquid calcium; chalk; chicken ala albino; Monterey
jack-off; La-boi's beef fairy-aki; gay-tor-aids; carnal glanderz;
goop starters; cunt-ry slime; Bentos; Milky Gay; Pork pecker-mint
patty; Pro-messo; slickerz; greases nut-butter cup; Hungry man;
glandwich; oleo; murpies oil slope; Slopicana Fyster; white eye;
gay-ro syrup; warm and slimee sauce; haft mack-a blo-nee and
sleaze; fahrfeneugate; beHinds 69 sauce; Guy-lerz beef ballion;
boll-boli; Ballz mentho-liptus (welcum to the ballz of medicine);
effort-bent; blast-her oil; Bone-ami; butt-plant Parmesan; Cack
manialz; St. glIdes; tri-bent; Ballsa; Pumping Cack Hash;
mono-splat 7; liquid meat; icy hot; formula 36C; Hawaiian Slopic;
spit ball; Free-toe Gay Skeetoz; Sleaze Puff; One-a-gay; Bentrum
(from gAy to kink); Fisterine; cumpound W.; slick 50; 10w69; STP
(scrotal twitch paste); cum-Out; Spillette extra foamy; wEdge gel;
Coxema; Glan-o-lin; Bud lite; Corona; Gore-bona extra; bone
chrome; blowing-hau; Spurtle Whacks; Slippity Goo; Swillcream;
beef jerkage; brewski; J.J. Vein-wright; IC Pale log-her; chin
cling; 100 gland bar; LSD (libidinous scrotal dung); Vein Dance;
MSG (man's scrotul goop); Mung-Pow Beef; lin-peenie with bearded
clam sauce; man-isplotti; Risnotta Sleaze; Camebert; Limburger;
Gland-o-Lakes; Par-Gay; porn meal; Honey-bone; nuckling oat gland;
glan-ola; Rape Nutz; PCP (penile cock paste); Crispy Skeetz &
Glazings; Porn Pops; Penile Colonic; Penile Colada; Slop Tarts;
THC (testicular hack cling); Peps-o-Bent; Pole-gate; Gaym;
spermicelli; body-jelli; spermiculite; chickenhawk ala ding dong;
powerful hankering; investment; Guylenol; ball-endaise sauce;
Oral-Gel; Slim Jimmings; My-selex; Guy-Selex; fructose;
Homo-Sodom-ium Skoot-amate; Skoote; Skate; Cocka-Cola; Pole-Slaw;
peep-si Cola; penis pesto; skeetels; giblets; Spermashave; Fresca;
oooze-o; RC (Rolling Cock); Gay & W spoot-on-rear; spluge; spoot;
Doctor Pecker; Fello-Jello; Mount-n-Spew; ATM (anal testicular
masturbation); Merri Sloppings; Spooze; Pudweiser; dick 50; white
wash; white out; miracle slip; DDT (dynamic dick twichingz);
gonadular gregariousness; COD (cock ooze drippings); APR (anal
penile regurgitation); hot wash; EDT (erectile distillation of the
Testes); Primer; MPH (man's penis hocker); UFO (urethral fondant
oscillation); PMS (primal masturbatory sloppicanage); chickenhawke
vindiloo; IRA (injectory rape acid); PLO (penile libations
orgazmage); holy water; murk; ACLU (anal cock-liquid for uvulas);
AFLCIO (anal fuck-launch, cock in orifice); IRS (injectable rectum
scum); NYSE (Nougat Yanked from Scrotal Extractions); NASDAQ
(nocturnal ass-fucking slips dick attracting Queerios) ; RPM
(rectal purge matriculation); ASAP (anus's special acetone
prickage); RSVP (Re-emittant Semen on vaginas, Please); GNP (gross
nadular product); praline; gay-leene; rain; deluge; UPS (uvular
penis swill); FTD (fucking teste distillate); colt 45; drizzle;
downpour; spit; pony juice; AZT (anal zooerastic twitch); AIDS
(anally injected death sentence); Gaalox Whip; Reemer's blend;
Guylerz Rape Concentrate; Gay-lies little chug; USMC (Uteral spizz
mung's Coalesce); chode lode; USAF (Ur seminal anal fling); BBQ
chickenhawke; ACDC (anally coagulated dick clot); AMEX (Another
male ejaculate xylophonation); LED (Libidinous Erectile
Discharge); ABC (anal bone chrome) {anal ball chowder}; CEO
(cockular ejaculation orgazmage); CPA (Coolant from Penises
Anonymously) {carnal penile anointment}; DMV (donuted Mung on
vaginas); DMZ (Dickular Murk by Zooerasters); VCR (vaginal cock
Retchings); FYI (Fistular Yank Injectibles); ESP (Ejaculated
Scrotul Ply); USA (Ur seminal Acetate); nut hustle; hurdlage;
liquid paper; nttz (Nadular tonsil tonic Zylophonation); TNT
(testicular nad tastee-sleeze); tea; pearl gay tea; TBS
(testicular ball slush); KFC (krystalline fuq clay); KDKA
(kNadular deluge kollides anally); KQV (Kunt-Queen's vittles);
viands; victuals; liquid nuptial; EMI (erectile mung ichor); HBO
(homo-boi orgazmage); CBS (carnal ball slop); NBC (nutted bitch
carmel); CNN (coital nookie-nougat); DRI (dynamic rectum
injection); ATS (anuther twitching scrotum); FCC (fisted cock
chug); VHF (vaginal hibiscus fondant); UHF (Uteral hose flick);
snot; GOP (gonadular oscillation pulsage); MIA (mongolage in ass);
MST (masturbated stroke throttle); NYC (narly yid cleanse); POW
(Paste On Women); PST (percosolated slop tarts); RFD (rimmed fuck
dye); FDR (fondanted donutted ralph); SRO (slippery rod oil); DAT
(dynamic ass tonic); DCC (dickular cunt-coat); kerosene; gasoline;
ass-hole-een; ETA (erectional titilating acid); NFL (nadular fuq
launch); PBS (penile ball-squirt); frooty pebbles; QED (Queer
Erection Distillate); WTAE (Whacked Testicular anal Ejaculage);
WPXI (whipped penile xylophone inflection); hot oil treatment; gay
poop-on; HMO (Hot Mama Oil); ball-room blitz; blitz; hog snog;
spuge; chum; tonsil spritzings; epiglottal loogie; tongue tarter
sauce; ballmark skeeting hard; ball-ucination; testicular tallyho;
NBA (Nuttial blast ass-ociation); face-skatings; skindex; shlep-to
jiz-bahl; gay-o peck-torate; dick's lip therapy; Bliss-Dixx;
schmere drops; Guy-lex; vanilla ice; pube mousse; Ragu; Raw-goo;
scroticular sap; blintz; blitzkrieg; upload; savoir fair; NAACP
(Nadular anal-Anointment from cocks, Please); ball-sum; balsam;
Ball-Salamic Vinegar; apple-butter; throat balm (throat bomb?);
JFK (Jacking Frooted Karmel); WPTT (Whipped Penile Tit Tonic);
Slap-a-peeno blast; MTV (Matriculated testicle Vomit) {man's
Testicle Varnish); AKA (Always Knutting anally); CST (cock Slip
Twitch); LIFO (Length in, fuck out); GIGO (Gnads in, Goop out);
CFC (Chicken Fuck Chug); MBA (My ballz' Applegate); NWT (Nutt
White Twitchings); DOW (dicks Open and discharge Wetness); Bleach
Cobbler; CSO (Covert scrotul operations); turtle soup; CFO
(Chronic fuck oil); ATI (Amorphous Teste Inflection); GTI
(Guacamole Twitch Ichor); IBM (Injected Ball Mung); ITT
(Injectable Teste Twitch); ESPN (Ecstatic Slippery pulse-nougat);
DOD (Dizzy Orgazm Dunk); Boi Sen sauce; Chin Flinger; Kidney
Pudding; LAPD (Launch Absorbtion Pad Drippings); slake; DNA
(Dorking Nookie acrylate); cream eel; Trojans Rockefeller;
Boi-ster's Rockefeller; soup-de-jour; bourbon; old grand-dad;
goop-de-jour; fairy dust; eggs bent-a-dick; TSS (Tonsil Shot
Syndrome); High Ball; Peckrich Bahl-loni; Peckrich; white eye;
liquid eye patch; Grand Mariner; prime slime; prime ribbage; BBC
(Bull ball-chowder); Choke-a-Pola; Schlepsi; Mount-N-Spew; Fystal
Schelpsi; Perrier; Cherokee White; Vernor's; Spermor's; Jolt; Old
German; Bold Sperman; DEC (dickular Erection Cola); Harvey
Wall-Banger; White Russian; pole cream; cold cream; night deposit;
automatic deposit; bromide; dolomite; cyanide; fungicide glop;
Yeager -meister; infucktion;

Testicle Tongue-Tickle -- Kinda defines itself, doesn't it?

Tex - What you call a woman who's been fucked so hard and
violently that she walks with her legs spread like a Tex.

Throat -- The part of a woman which is best when it has a dick
stuffed down it or shooting a load down it.

Three-ring Circus -- Fucking a woman in every hole.

Thwack-Attack -- The compulsive, undeniable urge that suddenly
overtakes the so afflicted and causes him to violently wax his
salami regardless of his locale. (Some people in restaurants have
been violently ill after finding out that what is on their BLT is
not Mayo.);

Tight Lipped -- What a woman with a mouthful of cum must be. Or

Tod -- A dickhead of immense proportions. A motherfucker that gets
on yer nerves so bad that, upon meeting him, you'd just luv to
watch his face as you strangle the life out of him. Synonyms:
Chode-Smoker; cum-Stain; Suck-Hole; ass-Wipe; fuck-Stick; Rimmer;
Used Rubber; Douche Bag; Used Tampon; Cherry-Stained Maxi-Pad;
Tongual Rectal Thermometer; cock-sucker; ass-fuck; dog-shit; Turd;
Schmuck; faggot; Nerd; Geek; Dork; Spaz; Near-Sighted gynecologist
with a good sense of smell; dim-bulb; half-wit; limp-dick; fairy;
limp-wristed gnad licker; nut tosser; whacker; Judge Wompner; cow
Boi; La-Z-Boi; Bat-Boi; Boi-Poi Swiller; clit; gay porno king; Tod
'the donut' dohring; Chocolate Popsicle connoisseur; too kind to
animals (male, of course {for intercourse}); someone who'd save
mankind by killing himself; a faggot with 1 1/2 testes; Ol' Needle
dick himself; Gay-vid Whoresh; wide receiver; Alimentary canal
taster; Rim cleaner; dildo; enthusiastic proctologist; thirsty
urologist; hungry 
coprologist; someone who'd save mankind by cutting off his sack;
eunuch; (yes, we really hate this) motherfucker; Mongoloid; leper;
chicken-fucker; chicken-choker; pud-wiser; yank-or; whack-or;
hump-or; bitch; crack snarfer; pencil-necked geek with a pin-dick
that pricks mosquitoes; bumhole; bunghole; brine liker; brute;
smoot; sissy; punk motherfucker; nige; whigger; wankor; always
bends over to pick up the soap (and hopefully get lucky); pig
licker; shit licker; loaf smoker; penis lover; penile narcissist;
chode lode; nut suckler; chode toker; Liberaci's cumpanion; Rod
Stewart groupie; Toto's bung-bong; gladiator; skid-mark
taste-tester; sack-sucker; uses any dog's dick as a swizzle stick;
cow-boi; twit; retard; faggot; fuck-stick; douche-bag;
swob-sucker; maxi-stain; complete total bastard; 6-month undie
chisler; boner; renob; boner of constriction; ass-munch; one with
a yeast-infection fetish; idiot; schmuck; dil-hole;

Todicus Taffytus Stretchedus Bum-Fuckidus -- Tod stuck his dick
into a taffy-pulling machine in order to butt-fuck himself.

Tongue -- A wonderful part of a woman when it is raised-up to
greet the advent of a male's penis.

Tongue Flogging -- A woman slapping the underside of your beef
with her tongue.

Tri-sexual -- A person who is so given to experimentation, that
they'll "tri" to have sex with anything.

Trojenz Rockefeller -- A savory dish consisting of 100% fine,
virgin latex, garlic, olive oil, stuffed with a spicy -- but sweet
-- nut sauce with a side of Three-Mile Island Dressing. Lightly
basted to a crispy, golden brown. Served with a liberal portion of
Salami Albyno. With a frosty glass of Creme de Bovine.

Tweezer-Dick -- A dire insult (we only say this because we
couldn't be bothered to cum up with a definition).

Unsanctioned Gropings -- (Thanx W.) See Illicit Touchings

Uranus -- The planet where all sex is through "Your-Anus."

Urethral Dog Chow -- Ugly lesbians muff-diving.

Vagina -- The best part of a woman -- next to her asshole and

Vaginal Drooling -- Where a vagina is so excited that lube flows
out of it like maple syrup oozing over a stack of pancakes --
Sharon's at the sight of The Stallion's erect luv muscle.

Vanilla Fudge -- Shit soppy with Pole-Slaw.

Vanilla Icing -- Creamy fluids expelled by the penis.

Vasilination -- The liberal coating of one's amorous twitch-python
with lubrication fluids prior to spanking your monkey.

Vaginal Ventings -- A period.

Vaginal Vibrancy -- A totally sexually aroused cunt.

Veggie Phallus -- Any well-greased dick-shaped vegetable.

Virgin -- An increasingly rare type of person which is a shame,
that means that there are fewer opportunities for PP to remove
that liability from women.

Waxing your Salami -- I.E., Masturbation.

Weenie Rider -- A woman who likes to ride weenies, a nympho-maniac; not to be
associated with
Wynona Ryder, though she would
be a fun ride also.

Weird Sex -- Any sex act that may be considered deviate by some
so-called "Straight" people.

Well-Hung -- 1. Having a very large penis; 2. PP; 3. The Stallion.

Western Union -- The joyful bonding between a cowboy's thunder
stick and an orifice located in the rear of his horse (the sex of
the horse matters not).

Wet Ones -- Liquid farts.

Whack-A-Thon -- An act of lengthy masturbation in which the
participant eventually suffers from brush-burns and uneven arm

Whacker -- A person who violently pulls his pud.

Women -- A wonderful part of the human race. PP each has three or
four different women who are beautiful, obedient and enthusiastic,
just the way a woman should be -- A home entertainment center.
Synonym: Slot-machine;

World of DBR, The -- A perfect world where sexual fantasies reign.
PP has very big dicks and is the object of every woman's carnal
desire. Where people and animals fuck each other with abandon, and
enjoy it. Where PP rules the world. Where PP is the only music
available and beer is the only beverage.

Xenophile -- A person who fucks aliens. We're not talking greasy
Mexicans here, but honest-to-goodness aliens. Non-Terrestrial
Intelligences, little green men, Martians and all that rot --
Kinky to the max.

XXX -- Meaning the contained material is sexually explicit (like a
picture showing my cock slipping into a tight, blond pussy). As
far as we're concerned, the more X's, the better.

Xylophoning -- The act of a woman suckling yer nutz, causing
extreme pleasure in the male.

Yankor -- A person who pulls their pud more than is morally

Yard-O-Beef -- My dick.

Zebra Dick -- Striped like a candy-cane and Sharon thinks it
tastes just as good. Especially afterwards.

Zooerasty -- {zoo - gr. meaning animals, -asty meaning
sexual-love} See bestiality. Petting them during intercourse it

Zoophilia -- The love of animals, which is all well and good.
Though in Sharon's case, it goes quite a bit further than that.